Stories and Lies

Stories and Lies


They say that if you would do art
you ought to learn your craft
But if you would do modern art
You must do less than that.

A poem that's made with bricks and beams
it stultifies the soul
For better castles in the air
use shit and shine and coal.

To wit you need to go to hell
just like your father said
You need to pick a worm or two
to get inside your head.

And when you're there you really should
make friends in this low place
experience has taught them well
And made them good -n- base.

A wie-gie board, a bit of bat
can give your dark words wings
a long cold life of loneliness
that is the modern-man's spring.

Upon such ground you'll then erect
a structure truthful and crooked
Unless you fall short of the mark
and write a mouthful that's stupid.

It might take time to plumb the slime
and filth that leads to truth
But all that god-damn suffering
Makes you 100 proof.

But, still, we all can't sink so low
Some of us have a life
And if the hell-defiencient's you
There's still hope for your rhyme.

You need but stand against such norms
Write something sweet and nice
The world's so full of eating crap
So give us sugar and spice.

Liberals: Finally Our Own Ann Coulter, and other offensive stuff

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4FBYwz_UjA


Funny, funny funny. If it wasn't for AM radio and Sean Hanity I'd never know about this. Randi, you go girl. I'm liberal, so I'm supposed to be offended, but this IS a riot. Man, it's about time we got our own Ann Coulter!

And while we are at it, can someone please say a good word about Obama's preacher? MEGADITTOs to the old timer - When Rush can complain about someone calling him "Nigger," or when Michael SAvage can produce docs indicating HIS military service, then both can question the patriotism of someone who actually did wear the uniform of a country that called him and "his kind" nigger.

God bless America, and everyone who wants to hold America to the high standards it professes.

Good-bye Florida Democratic party

Well, this is it: 30 years of being a Democrat down the drain. As previously noted, the national Democratic party has decided to disenfranchise it's Florida voters because they had the gall to vote on the date that their moronic legislature - including all the moronic Democratic legislators (a minority in the state legislature) - selected for the primary.

Given that it is political suicide to toss so many voters in a swing state to the winds and the right, the National Dems did deign to permit Florida a "re-do" of the primary. This could have been quite important given the closeness of the primary contest so far. Florida legislators, you wanted to make the Florida Democratic vote big? Here was your chance...

Of course My Democratic party fu*ked it up. They said no to an expensive full primary (understandable) and said no to a cheaper mail in revote (incomprehensible). Why? I've yet to hear a good reason. The one attempt at an explanation from one of the party whigs was to say they got a lot of emails giving reasons not to have a revote. That's a reason?

The state party has no leaders, and the dolts in offices of leadership probably feel they have better things to do then go to the trouble of setting up a do-over election. They ran this primary once, and now they are OFF THE CLOCK.

I'm sure if anybody wanted to step up and get this revote done the Republican Governor would grudgingly have gotten out of the way and let it happen. He said as much, as long as it didn't cost the State coffers a dime.

So that's it. These people running the party in Florida are morons. The national party insists on cutting of their nose to spite their face (our face!). Given all this I have to wonder if maybe my state party really is a bunch of Republicans... Why not, maybe moles have been planted in the party by the same super-genius from the island of Patmos who invented white people. Can you say JEB!?

Whatever, anyhow, I'm saying "see-ya" Democratic party.

Our Republican governor and legislature is loving this. It's the perfect storm of stupidity they hoped for when they first set the January primary date. If the Dems can lose my vote, the vote of a yellow-dog Democrat, they are truly doomed. McCain, enjoy your victory in this state.


That's three presidential elections in a row Florida is screwing up. Yay, a hat trick!

Jesus Declares Super Sunday

Oh my children, in honor of this great American holiday, I declare this day "Thhhhuper Thunday." Enjoy your commercials.

This Patriotic Holiday is brought to you by all the usual suspects; The Beer Industry, Go-Daddy.com, Zan-tac, and of course the Department of Defense.

The Peace of Me be unto you.

DNC Tells Florida "F- You!"

For whoever is interested, here's a little exchange I had with the DNC in advance of the Florida Primary. I offer it for whatever edification and enjoyment it might provide. I'm sure plenty of Republicans will love this.

As some might know, the Florida legislature defied the almighty DNC by moving their primary too close to the Iowa Caucus and New Hampshire primary. The reason for this move was, of course, probably the self serving interests of the Floridian legislators. Or maybe it was a Machiavellian plot by the Republican majority in our legislature. Who knows? But the consequence was of course a disproportionate response worthy of the Department of Defense (re: Powell doctrine): The complete disenfranchisement of all Florida voters from selecting the Democratic candidate for President. Our primary was pronounced "anathema" by the DNC, and consigned to outer darkness and non-existence. Not one delegate from Florida will be seated at the convention... Not even hotel rooms at the convention have even been reserved for our "non-voting" delegation.

All this stands in contradiction to Hillary's empty "victory" promise to Florida voters: "Your vote counts." No blame on her. All blame is on the big whigs running the party. That's you Howard Dean!

I've done some editing to shorten my complaint, and excluded the name of the kind person who responded. Needless to say, however, it wasn't Howard Dean...

********************

CUSTOM FIELDS
-------------
Issue: Florida Primary - Election 2008

Your Question: Attn: Howard Dean, RE FLORIDA PRIMARY DELEGATES

I would just like to say as a Florida voter that you and the party better get your crap together fast regarding permitting our primary and recognizing our delegates. You are about to blow Democrat chances for winning Florida... again. I understand your desire to put Iowa, NH, etc in front of the bigger states. I even agree with this desire. However your tactics to force your desire are a different matter. You may have a legal right, but you certainly no ethical right to tell this state or any other state when it can have it's primary. Last I heard it was the people of Florida paying for the Florida primary, not Howard Dean and friends.

I personally wouldn't have chosen to move the Florida primary up. But that's what the Republican majority and Democrat minority of legislators did. So you are going to say 'fuck you' to my vote because of that?

Thank you so much. I hope you are practicing saying “President McCain.” You are going to need that skill.


********************
Response from the DNC

John,

Thank you for contacting us with your concerns. On August 25th the
DNC*s Rules and Bylaws Committee, nearly unanimously, found
Florida*s 2008 Delegate Selection Plan in Non-Compliance with the 2008
Delegate Selection Rules because of its January 29, 2008 primary date -
a date that violates the rule on timing. It should be noted that the
full DNC, including members from Florida, voted to adopt the Rules last
year after an 18-month-long transparent, thoughtful and deliberative
process.

The DNC gave the Florida Democratic Party 30 days to submit a plan that
could have complied. During that time, the DNC worked with the Florida
State Party to develop a plan that complied. In the end, despite being
presented several options, including offers of assistance, the Florida
Democratic Party chose to reaffirm the January 29, 2008 primary date.
Because of this the DNC is forced to enforce its rules.

This was not an arbitrary decision made by the DNC, but one that was
considered by the entire Rules and Bylaws Committee. We feel it is
important to enforce the rules that were voted on by the full DNC to
ensure that the nominating process is more fair, more representative and
more effective as a proving ground for our own candidates. Our ultimate
goal is to put forth the strongest presidential nominee. The Party must
enforce its calendar at this time to prevent other states from
leapfrogging ahead.

We're pleased the court ruled in our favor, recognizing the
constitutionally protected right of the Democratic National Committee to
enforce its rules and treat all state Democratic parties in a fair and
equal way. The DNC is committed to protecting the right to vote for
every American, and we look forward to continuing to work together to
ensure that Florida turns blue in 2008.

xxxxx,
Constituency Services

********************


So that's it. I'm pretty sure that in this decision the Democratic party has found a way to get a Republican elected again. Way to go!

Many thanks to Howard Dean, since I guess he's the fellow who is ultimately responsible for disenfranchising more Floridians than "Team Bush" in years 2000 and 2004 combined.

Election-Lady Land

I was walking down the campaign trail yesterday when I saw something really weird.

Just off the trail, next to a greasy old diner that looked very misplaced since it wasn't in New Hampshire, I saw a couple of wiggling little legs poking out of a dumpster.

What's that?" I asked one of the onlookers.

"Who. It's Michelle Obama."

"Huh?" I was confused.

"She's dumpster diving."

Now this was a new one one me. "'Scuse me, mam, what are you doing?"

Mrs. Obama righted herself, a concession to dignity and the growing crowd. Good thing. She wasn't wearing a pants suit like that other candidate's spouse, Mr. Clinton. "I'm looking for my voice."

My head shook in puzzlement. "In a dumpster?"

Mrs. Obama replied, "That's where Hillary found hers"

That sounded quite reasonable, so I dove in to help. I had to help. It was the Christian thing to do.

"Hey, look!" someone shouted, "The fellow is acting like a Huckabee!"

I began to dig. McDonald's bags, q-tips, tampons, pizza boxes, Campbell's soup cans, shredded bills, shredded wheat, some shredded e-mails from the office of Dick Cheney. But no voice of Michelle Obama.

Still, there were some interesting things in there. Something was stirring in the corner. Just barely peeping out from under a Wonder Bread bag, a little something was whispering. I strained to hear.

"Sqweak, sqweak, sqweak..."

Awww, it was a Dennis Kucinich.

So cute, but I kept digging. I saw a can of pork and beans struggling to move. Maybe something was trying to get out. I lifted the can.

"Free at Last?" I joked, hoping It was Martin Luther King and I'd beat him to his punchline.

"I am not a crook."

Ha! A Nixon voice.

Well you don't always find treasure, even in a dumpster. But maybe this was a lucky break. He was, after all, unlike the future first lady-man, unimpeached.

"Please, President Nixon," I asked, hoping for an answer for today. "Tell us the secret plan to end the war."

The former president's jowls shook, just like in the good old days. "You can't handle the truth."

I didn't know Nixon did impressions. He was doing Jack Nicholson, though it also sounded a lot like McCain talking to conservatives.

We kept digging. Michelle was getting deep. Deep into grits, coffee grounds, stiff dried spaghetti, Styrofoam carry-out containers, an empty catchup bottle. Somebody must have cleaned out their refrigerator. I stepped over an oatmeal carton and onto a hypodermic. Ouch! Medical waste! What kind of refrigerator got cleaned here...

I saw a rolled up newspaper. I love to read, so I reached for it. Maybe I'd look at it just for a second.

Before my hand got to it, it jumped up and hit me on the nose. Rudolph Gulliani.

We were starting to get a little smelly. "This must be how the other half lives.", Mrs. Obama said.

She had found a voice, just not hers. I told her.. "Mamm, I think you're talking like John Edwards"

I have to admit, though, it sounded good on her. Maybe that's because I'm poor, white, and worried about my job. According to the polls, that's the Edwards "demographic." Ofcourse who I'll vote for now is beyond me.

A limo pulled up and guess who got out? Why you guessed it, Barach!

"Honey," he said, "You can stop looking." He handed her a present.

Mrs. Obama undid the bow and opened the package. Inside was a pretty little voice. It was Edith Bunker."

"AAAAAAAchie, I mean, BaraAAAAACH, dinner's ready!" She rushed into the diner.

Senator Obama smiled. Goodbye assertive, bossy, wife... Hello happiness!

As he climbed back into his limo his wife came scurrying out. "Wait Baraaaach, don't forget your beeeeer."

The senator took his plate, took his beer and took a sip. The crowd started clapping; he had proved he was a regular guy. And that's all it took. He had locked up the midwest vote, just in time for super-Tuesday. And we all know, as Kansas goes, so goes the nation.

Maybe Bill Clinton won't be first lady after all. But it's not over yet. Feminists, don't give up. You can still be audacious enough to hope...

Rock Star Loses - Surprise from the Comeback Kidette

Surprise, surprise, what a pleasant surprise.

You would think there would have been tears of joy. But Hillary's eyes stayed dry and her voice didn't crack as she accepted an unexpected gift from New Hampshire. Victory! For a second and more surprising time NH has made a Clinton "the comeback kid."

Of course there weren't any tears from Obama. He seemed calm even though he smiled more weakly than we've seen in of late. When he arrived with his wife to the tune of "You are so Beautiful" to give his concession speech he tried to be brave and poised. But there was more than a little 'deer in the headlights' in his manner.

The speeches of both Clinton and Obama were rather funny if you listened for it. Both speeches seemed to have been quickly cobbled from the concession and victory speeches each candidate had expected to make.

The most interesting speech of the night was - no surprise - Ron Paul. No concession speech from him. He's taking his 8% showing and carrying the libertarian/olde Republican isolationist standard. No bleating and platitudes about change and complementing the American people. He spent 30 minutes giving facts and actual arguments. He's no Jefferson, but he's head and shoulders above the rest of the Republican candidates when it comes to challenging Americans intellectually. He's not entirely correct about the Nanny state and the purpose of the constitution. But he's definitely got his head in the game.

***

Odds and ends - Candidate songs:
Hillary - American Girl - Tom Petty
Richardson - Won't back down - Petty again
Edwards - The Rising - Springsteen
Obama - (sorry, insufficient cultural literacy on my part...)
McCain - Johnny B Good - not something by Johnny Cougar Mellencamp!


Nice lines:

Obama: New American Majority... Drug and insurance companies get a seat at the table, but don't get to buy all the chairs... Let Ingenuity save our planet from a point of no return... Lets finish the job against Al Queda but never use 9-11 to scare up votes.

All candidates in this race share these goals. (but he forgot the 'All Non-Republican candidates' modifier.)

McCain: Past the age when I can claim the noun 'kid', regardless of what adjective precedes it. But tonight we sure showed everyone what a comeback is. Mac is Back.

Ron Paul: Pick a spot, any spot. Anywhere within his 35 minutes speaking you could find sparkling argument. Agree with him or not, he at least had something to say. Paul Gems ...What's so radical about these ideas? I think the radicals are in charge and we need to remove them from Washington.

...the Dollar used to be 1/20th the value of an oz of gold. Now it's 1/900th the value of an oz of gold. The price of gold isn't going up. It's value remains constant. It's the value of the dollar that has fallen. ((Does this same hold true regarding the recent increases in the price of oil?))

...We don't have a right to somebody else's productivity. ((Isn't that Marx's point???)). We don't have a right to a house, our home and a job. We have a right to our life and liberty.

...We never have to sacrifice our liberty to be secure. The freer we are the more secure we will be.

...Old people declare wars and young people fight them.

****

Bill Richardson, so normal, no quotes, not a rock star at all. But god bless him he's a nice guy.

Tampa Sports

Ugh! The world is just and orderly. As per the physical laws that govern the universe, as per the moral order that gives to each their proper portion and no more (so much for grace, you theologians)... the Tampa Bay Bucs got stomped. It sucks being a Bucs fan, but at least the creampuffs of Parity Scheduling are out of the playoffs. I must say I HATE it when sub-standard teams advance in the playoffs. So at least one is out. C'mon New England Pats, Baltimore (ooops - Indianapolis) Colts.

The Indianapolis Colts. Now there's a blog entry about the unfairness of it all. But that's for another day.

Now for the good news. Just saw last night that Tampa Bay is getting to host not one, two, but three US Nat qualifier games for the Olympics.

Soccer in Tampa again, at least for a few days?

HAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPINESSS!!!!!!

Debates: Trvst in Charlie?

Trust in Charlie? Argh! The Great Saturday Night debate is over. We got to hear all about making change. As Kucinich would say, can anybody change a dollar?

Now it's off to the SPIN ROOM. What's Diane Sawyer doing wearing all black? How are we going to see her heaving squishy bosom through the soft lens without some color contrasts? Where's that tight fuzzy sweater from Good Morning America?

Important points made by the Republicans: 'I support President Bush. Except...'

Important points made by the Dems: 'CHANGE, CHANGE, CHANGE (Redskins lost).'

McCain sounded great for the Republicans. He seems like the only one of the bunch with independence and integrity, with the far-out exception of Ron Paul. Damn, Ron Paul is a nut, but he says some true things too.

John Edwards won this thing among the Democrats. Let's just see if he can pull something off in the NH primary. This guy could be the populist candidate us populists have always wanted.

Just the same, all the Dems that Facebook / ABC allowed to speak did passably well.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year! 2007 is gone and good riddance to it. It was a year of war, a sinking economy, a falling dollar, another year of Bush, VT, and private failures too.

I'll be glad to focus on the macro. To paraphrase Woody Allen, "Man concerns himself with the problems of the world so he doesn't have to confront the problems of his own existence." ((wait a second... Woody Allen said THE OPPOSITE... riffing on the astute observations of some Euro-shrinks he was consulting, no doubt)).

Just the same, now that the year is done, it's good to give thanks for the good: Thanks for family and friends, for another year paying the mortgage, for paid off cars, for credit cards kept at bay, and the fact that the whole house of cards hasn't come crashing down just yet.

Other things for which we give thanks: GI's, Jesus, church, charity, books, birth-control. Some goods contradict other goods, but that's what makes life worth thinking about.

2008, I think we all can hope, just has to be better.

Something to Remember

From Lucretius...

No single thing abides; but all things flow.
Fragment to fragment clings-the things thus grow
Until we know and name them. By degrees
They melt, and are no more the things we know.

Globed from the atoms falling slow or swift
I see the suns, I see the systems lift
Their forms; and even the systems and the suns
Shall go back slowly to the eternal drift.

You too, oh earth-your empires, lands, and seas-
Least with your stars, of all the galaxies,
Globed from the drift like these, like these you too
Shalt go. You are going, hour by hour, like these.

Nothing abides. The seas in delicate haze
Go off; those mooned sands forsake their place;
And where they are, shall other seas in turn
Mow with their scythes of whiteness other bays.

The seeds that once were we take flight and fly,
Winnowed to earth, or whirled along the sky,
Not lost but disunited. Life lives on.
It is the lives, the lives, the lives, that die.

They go beyond recapture and recall,
Lost in the all-indissoluble All:-
Gone like the rainbow from the fountain's foam,
Gone like the spindrift shuddering down the squall.

Flakes of the water, on the waters cease!
Soul of the body, melt and sleep like these.
Atoms to atoms-weariness to rest -
Ashes to ashes-hopes and fears to peace!

O Science, lift aloud your voice that stills
The pulse of fear, and through the conscience thrills-
Thrills through the conscience with the news of peace-
How beautiful your feet are on the hills!

Happy Halloween

It's halloween, time to think of creepy things, scary things, and things that go bump in the night.

Creepy, like our President who lies snoozing on the sofa in the oval office, dreaming dreams of power and leadership, and wielding his 'axes' of evil.

Scary like our Vice-President. Cheney's gone a hunting.

This is a night for raising hairs on the back of your neck. What was that bump? CIA, extraordinary rendition (and I don't mean a cheesy Elton John song...)?

Halloween, it's a night of ghosts. Thanks to you Mr. President, there are a lot more ghosts out there. Thank you Mr. President on behalf of the 4,132 US and coalition dead, the +80,000 Iraqi dead, the uncounted wounded. That's payback for the um... 2,974 9/11 dead. If We lost 2000 Americans to terrorists, shouldn't 2000 TERRORISTS pay that price? And that's not counting those who are yet to die.

Of course, we can speak on behalf of those yet to die next year. The war will still be on.

A Spartan Retirement for our President

Ok, so I disappeared from blogworld for a while. Life's been interfering... and usually when life interferes that's not good. Just too busy to write or even think. But I'll try and come back with a few comments every few day, if that's at all possible. After all, GW won't be here to kick around after a year and a half (Nixonian reference intended), so there isn't much time left to rip him before he ascends to President Emeritus status.

I just hope the good old boy has some plans for when he leaves office. Is he putting together his resume? How is he going to spin those failures, failures and more failures. But at least he can brag of some spectacular failures: Money and blood relation to power can buy failure on a grander scale than that achievable by us "little people." But still, after fuckin up at the top, what's left? Habitat for Humanity? Peace Corps? No, you might bump into some Carters. That could be a guilt inducing confrontation. Yech, Christians...

But I've got a suggestion. This war will still be going on when our President gets out of office. Considering he's still a strapping specimen of fitness due to all the bike riding and many hours exercising rather than problem solving during his time in office, I think he's sufficiently fit for a small but more active role in this war of his making.

No, no more leadership positions for our Commander in Chief; he's done enough damage. And no more getting big paychecks for being a symbol - even if a towering symbol of American hubris - such as he's been since 9-11. But I think driving a truck through the Sunni Triangle, or maybe working as a traffic cop at a check point on the way to the Bagdad airport, or some other low level, banal and highly dangerous job would be appropriate. God forbid anything should happen... but if it should then he can at least console himself that that's one less young GI who will have his brains blown out, limbs severed in an IED, etc. in our President's splendid little war.

I guess our president could hope to go out in a small show of glory, even if it wouldn't make up for the greater damage of his two terms. It's not too late, despite his dodge of real Viet Nam service and his later Presidential sacrifice of others, to serve some high and noble end. And if he should go the way of heroes and poor kids who joined for the GI Bill, he can at least think these words as he fades into the flag and music: Dulce et decorum est, Pro Patria Mori.

He's a Yale man, he'll know what the words mean. Right?

****

PS. As an addendum to this modest proposal, I think it's only fair that I volunteer the following people for immediate enlistment and rapid deployment to "the surge": Everyone over 45*, everyone in the GOP, and everyone who supports the war and is older than 25. Uncle Sam, you can waive the age requirements for this war; there's plenty of jobs that an elderly warmonger or fellow traveler can do. And hey, no OCS for these guys - no standing in the back line waving the flag and telling young kids to "go get em, Tiger." Just give this select group, including myself, a grungy job taking a bullet and getting this surge and war over with, so our kids don't have to. Mr. Pres., I'm up for it if you are.

Thoughts about VT

Everyone is torn up about the VT massacre, as well they should be. People everywhere have cried over the deaths and injuries of those they'll never know, and that's as it should be too. The human race was diminished by a count of 33 through Monday's horrible occurrence. Quantitatively that's nothing on this screwed up planet. Qualitatively the loss is vastly greater, measured in the unmeasurable despair of each family member, each friend, and those who share the sorrow from a televised distance. God bless and help each family member or friend that is suffering from this right now.

But as we cry over this as we should, a few thoughts occur. I'm sorry to think these thoughts and more sorry to say them, because they aren't comforting to some of the people involved in this tragedy. I hope nobody at VT, none in a grieving family, ever reads this. But for those of us at a distance I think there are some questions we should ask because maybe some learning can come of it.

What would have happened if Cho's roommates had learned Cho's major? What if they had tossed their nonspeaking acquaintance a beer and gotten him sufficiently drunk to loosen his tongue? What if they done this over a series of days or weeks until Cho could talk and look friends in the eye without alcohol in his hand? This is a standard college therapy that has drawn out and saved the lives of who knows how many. This is not to blame the roommates, specifically. How many people did Cho avoid eye contact with? Couldn't someone have thrown this guy a life preserver? Couldn't someone have jumped into the water and fought with the struggling victim to bring him to shore?

Maybe that's the job of a psychiatrist. But that's what friends are for too.

A small person can disappear in a big school. Maybe VT wasn't the right place for a person like Cho. A small Catholic college in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by vineyards and drinking monks and the drone of the sister teaching Intro to Religion (a required course) might have been a better place. Maybe the students at such a school would have done what their counterparts at the big school didn't do. Cho, atheist though he was, needed saving in a way that maybe religions and religious education is suited to.

All the functionaries and professors in the VT bureaucracy who glanced at this "troubled student's" records, class submissions, and heard in passing his silence in class, what could they have done differently? When students in his creative writing class were alarmed and fearful about Cho's writing and asked that he be removed, was the teacher right in doing so? Maybe that was the last straw. A lot of professionals followed protocols, filled out the proper forms and fulfilled their professional responsibilities as outlined in the relevant documents. Many in authority urged him to get counseling. But who brought the counsellor to him? Why couldn't someone have stepped outside the lines and sicked a few nice people from the Christian group across campus on him? Wear him down with kindness until... a smile.

Beer or Jesus, both could have been saving. But nobody was their brother's keeper.

from Bill Moyers

http://www.truthout.org/docs_2006/011807B.shtml

Ben Franklin said:

"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for dinner. Liberty is a well armed lamb contesting the vote."

Very radical subversive, anti-democratic words these... or words that recognize the defective nature of OUR democracy, as structured for the last 200 years.

What is the problem with our democracy? Human rights are in conflict with property rights, and human rights are losing. For two hundred years the power of the ownership class has grown, ever more able through control of our democracy to arrange the world for it's own bennefit. Government naturally works to fortify the conspiracies of the rich.

Garfinkle :When the richest nation in the world has to borrow to pay hundreds of millions of dollars to pay it's bills.... something is amiss."

The pillar of the conspiracy is the concentration of media in the hands of the few. Media is more attentive to establishment views than the bleak realities experienced by the many." An elite determines what ordinary people see and hear, and what they don't. This is censorship of knowledge my monopolization of the means of information. What we see from the couch is increasingly the view from the top.

White House: North Korea Needs to be Punished

Tony Snow was called up to Rummy's office this morning.

Rummy passed him the 'candy tin.' "Take one," he said. Tony selected a red one, in honor of the red states. It was, of course, a viagra.

Who lost Nicaragua, Venezuela, Brazil, Iraq?

Who lost Nicaragua, Venezuela, Brazil, Iraq? Why the enemy, of course. And who is that enemy? Us

After starting a war to find WMD's, depose a tyrant, and spread democracy, what have we got to show for it? Lots of democracies flowering in the poorer nations of the world. In Brazil, Venezuela, Chile; in Iran and (perhaps) in Iraq. But wherever democracy flourishes there is a rise in anti-americanism. Do we ask why? We could do that, but as Nixon said, it would be wrong. You might get answers you don't like. So instead we do what leaders of our democracy have often done in the past - we undermine democracy.

Too bad. If only we could pay more than lip service to democracy.

It is a disgrace that our far right leaders respect the outcome of an election only when our guy wins. If Chavez, Amadinijad, Hamas, Ortega or (to go back in history) Allende win, our rightists try and subvert the will of the people who voted these guys into office. We claim to want the spread of democracy, but we support any tyranny that is friendly to our interests, and oppose any elected head of state who pursues the interests of his own nation.

It's a cop out to spout the "one man, one vote, one time" argument when we are the ones who killed Allende, tried to kill Ortega and Chavez, undermine Hamas (instead of working with them and allowing the practical demands of governing to drive them to the center), etc.
The self-centered poicies of our rightist leaders are why the world hates us more and more. Chavez, Ortega etc. seem to respect democracy and their obligations to the democratic process and "the people" a lot more than North, Bush, and the far right have ever demonstrated in their actions.

Evolving Democracy

There was an interesting article by Bartlett on Townhall.com. The gist of it is that we've got too much democracy in this country. Our institutions have evolved into a gerymandered creature that would repell our founding fathers.

Well, whenever you talk about the evolution of anything, including evolution, all real conservatives know you are entering into a swamp of liberalism and error. And so it is, apparently, with the evolution of democratic institutions in America. As God created the world, so did'st the founding fathers create America: fully formed to perfection. A shining city on the hill which none can tarnish. At least not until the filthy rabble of squabling, self interested members of the electorate express themselves by seeking an even more perfect union.

That the "errors of 1913" can be considered erroneous at all is unbelievably laughable. Can anyone really think that if the states had MORE power that government would be less parocheal? Anbody observed the behavior of their own state legislature lately? State legislatures across the country are the primary governments of, by and for special interests. If you think differently, try to find an anti-casino legislator. You'll have to look hard. State legislatures make the US House look like... um, the Senate.

There is no doubt that a lot of our nation's deliberative bodies seem to lack the capacity for disinterested deliberation. But that is a fault of the electorate as much as the politicians we elect. Our culture is one that elevates and justifies self interest. We say that "greed is good". We argue that the sum of all self-interested action yeilds the public good. The focus of our culture is not disinterest and passionlessness, but interest.

My point being that our institutions are fine, and the trend for expanding democracy is good. What we need to address our faults is not a return to the institutions of the good old days, but a return to the values of those days. A government of by and for all the people is what we need; not a limited government of educated (and wealthy) elites ruling over the crude and filthy rabble. We need more direct democracy, not less, and we need more civic minded citizens and politicians.

Keith Olberman doesn't go far enough, just this once...

Olberman's comparison of the US to 1930's England doesn't ring nearly as true as a comparison to Nazi Germany. The lies of our government don't serve a desperate and unrealistic hope for peace. Instead, our government's lies, like Hitler's, serve to provide cover for war, brutality, and crimes against innocents. Like the Republicans, the Nazis also claimed to be good Christians weilding the sword to protect the Homeland and Civilization from its enemies. The difference between then and now is just a matter of degree. But give it time. We've already got camps. It's not so far fetched to imagine a future Cheney administration awarding contracts leasing Boxcars that takes us all to where work will set us free.

Michael Medved, and Why Judaism is Popular

Michael Medved discussed an interesting poll that found Judaism is not so unpopular in this greenie nation on the big blue marble. He then went on to speculate on why Judaism scored so well, and discovered that it's because most Americans are ignorant about Judaism, and Judaism is a big tent that can cover everyone. Kind of like the democratic party?

But it's an interesting question. Why is Judaism popular in America? Instead of reading the tea leaves from a poll, it's not so hard to come up with a more accurate answer.

Just ask people WHY they hold the opinions they do about Judaism. This might be a good thing for Michael to try on a slow news day.

I think if the 1001 people polled answered the followup "why" in any detail the answers could be very interesting and reveal some very important information about us. An international poll with the same followup "why" would also be very instructive in explaining some negative views held in the world.

Here's my answer to "why" I like Judaism (and I'm sure reflects a little ignorance on my part). I am speaking from a Catholic background:

• Religious truths are understood more clearly and deeply in Judaism. Like other religions, Judaism's source for truths is a holy text containing the word of God, but Judaism doesn't stop there. Judaism tests a given truth against cases and circumstances to get a clearer meaning of what the truth is and isn't. I think this is called midrash.

• Judaism isn't opposed to science. It calls for people to "study, study, study" both the torah and nature. And when that study of nature produces a revolution in physics, for instance, Jewish theology doesn't recoil in fear of contradictions. It deepens to embrace what science reveals. This response advances both the religion and the future prospects of science.

• Judaism is a very humane religion. King James Christianity is "mercy" centered (begging please, mighty King God, have MERCY, don't kill me even though I deserve it.'). In Judaism, mercy is translated as "Loving-kindness" - and it's how we are to treat each other.

There are other reasons that I could mention, but that's a good start.

I would add that being disposed with kindness towards Judaism shouldn't mean blind support for Israel (which is the current fundementalist Christian attitude). Israel like all nations has to be held to account by the standards and values transmitted through Israel to the world - values which even most secularists embrace. "Thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt not steal." etc. These overrule even the genocides and "wars of expansion" perpetrated by the Jews in the Old Testement days. They contradict modern policies of expansion into the West Bank, or incidental attrocities against innocent civilians perpetrated in Lebannon. The qualification might be added "except as absolutely required for security and safety of Israeli's." But that might even be excessive. Are Israeli innocents of greater value than Lebanese innocents?

AM Radio Ubber Alles

The rich and the rightists drone on in reasoned tones, tying the inarticulate liberals in knots of logic, or shouting down those with the capacity to express themselves.

You've fallen into earshot of AM radio: a non-grey area where black contrasts with white, but white always prevails in the marketplace of ideas that seasons a well educated and informed electorate.

RIIIIIIIGHT.

So normally you are at work when the right-wing wonks preach to the choir that is their aged or self employed median target audience. But today, through the wonders of radio and a day off in celebration of Independence Day, you can hear AM in all it's glory.

What is hacking off the right-wing nowdays? You are about to find out. the short answer is, everything. The long answer is, anything that might be advocated by even the most reasonable moderates. After all, we are a country at war.

The first thing that rub righties raw is a failure of patriotism. If you are ashamed of America as it is today, if you feel our country has been disgraced by the lies and hubris of the Bush administration, if you find fault with either the basis for or prosecution of "the war on terror" then you don't support our troops and you stand with Hillary, Murtha and the terrorists.

Nevermind that the war arose from a pack of lies and a Strangelovian world view articulated in 1990's Neo-Con manifestos. Nevermind that the consequence of the war has been not quick victory and the spread of Democracy, but the shed blood of our young troops in a quagmire of sand and urban warfare. Nevermind that this war bankrupts our nation - at an accelerated rate - because (god forbid) why would we roll back the tax cuts due to a little thing like an expensive war? Keep your eyes on the war, citizens. Don't pay attention to the man behind the curtain who isn't growing the economy, saving social security, or solving the health care crisis (remember that?).

This is truly the stupidest American administration that has governed in many a lifetime. In almost all the most important decisions it has acted out of selfishness and the exercise of power for it's own sake. "Might makes right" might be a cliche, but it's a cliche to live by. Saying this, however, would piss off the right.

Never mind that true patiotism arises out of a love of country based on what that country stands for. Not, as Jane Fonda said of Viet Nam - "my country right or wrong". But the righty cheers on the home team. Later maybe we can find out what the home team stands for in a special on the History Channel.

What else gets the right-thinking man's dandruff up? Godlessness, that's what. It is impossible to share ideological communion with our founding fathers without partaking at the Christian altar of public belief. Of course, this begs the question of what differentiated American government from all the divinely justified tyrannies that preceded America throughout the long ages of the past. Wasn't the truely distinct blessing of this country not it's Christianity, but it's SECULAR character? Founding fathers such as Washington, Jefferson and Franklin avoided endorsing religious belief in any of it's specifics - christian or otherwise. "Public religion" was a concession they made to the need for public order, not religious truth. As to determinations of religious truth, that was reserved for private consicience or debate in the marketplace of ideas. You need look no futher than the great Thomas Paine for a true American patriot who was in no way a Christian.

What else wanks the rightist to lengths and convulsions? Failure to support Israel. Those who would find fault with Israel risk the possibility that Gawd Almighty, the eternal friend of Israel, would find fault with them. The rapture may or may not be coming, but until then why risk it. Judgement apparently hangs heavy of any who would ask Israel to act with fairness and justice to resolve it's longstanding disputes with the Palestinians. What does such a request entail? Removal of the West Bank settlements - all of them - and establishing just borders with an independent Palestine. The shelling that occurs every day would cease if only the unilateralism of Sharon's party was abandoned. Think back - before Sharon peace nearly came to the region.

Lastly, what ticks off AM righties the most? Cindy Sheehan and Congressman John Murtha, that's who. The right hates these people because they are traitors - persons who they would expect to be patriots based on their military ties and sacrifices. These two persons have paid dues to argue their points - but AKKK, their points are all wrong! Shehan gave her only begotten son and now asks us to do right. Remind you of any religion that the right wants our nation to endorse? Regarding Murtha, who is HE to point out the shameful and degrading influence that this war is having on our country and our servicemen. An ex-Marine who served in combat in a similarly misguided war, that's who. Indeed!

Recently a soldier in Iraq was interviewed on NPR. He described how his unit identifies targets during night actions: they look for "MAMs" (Military Aged Males). Sound like profiling to you? Or does it sound like a sure fire way to commit attrocities against innocents and maybe create terrorists out of the survivors.

That said, happy 4th of July to you and yours.

Inherit the Wind - or Break It...

I just finished reading a play called "Inherit the Wind". Yes, it's the same "Inherit the Wind" as the movie and screenplay by the same name, at least as far as I could tell.

Seemed like a book from a bygone era. An era preceding this current era when books, if they are written at all, are written to tell all or to sell out. This was a weird book by current standards - a book full of ideas concealed by very well executed art.

It is too bad that both are so out of vogue now.

This is an essay about ideas. Not any particular ideas, just ideas in general. So lets talk about ideas such as they are found nowdays.

There is a big to-do on the AM radio lately about Ann Coulter's most recent offering. It is an idea book, I guess. That is, if you credit the ravings of a pit-bull bitch as ideas (I use bitch here to imply that the pit-bull just referenced is "female - not to imply that she is, in the vernacular, a "bitch"). Despite her bark and bite, Coulter does look hot in a short skit, writes a mean attack essay, and turns a phrase on a dime. "You can never be too rich, too thin, or too conservative" was her most recent memorable utterance. Still that's not an idea so much as a punch line... albeit, in her case, "a punch line to live by."

I suspect that the quality of ideas these days is why ideas and thinking are so unpopular now.

More on ideas: My son was going to list his favorite books on his "MySpace" profile. Books are a common place where ideas can be found. So what does the latest generation read? You'll never know if you go to his MySpace. He was about to list Angela's Ashes and Rich Dad, Poor Dad as his favorites when, just in time, a friend intervened. It was a close call, but his friend saved him from compromising his coolness by providing evidence of even the most meager literacy.

Whew, that was close. Almost turned in to a pointy head there, kid.

Oh, and it's not just kids. I know a person who graduated from college a few years back with high grades and a business degree. This person claims to have never read a single book in his life unless it was assigned and required. When you ask him about his text books he can answer competently. When you ask him about novels or ideas, he's absolutely blank, but not concerned by this fact at all.

What does it mean to live in a society that doesn't conceive of thought, much less value it?

After 50 years of years of baby booming, Me-generationing, X-genning, downsizing, rightsizing and mass-marketing, after thirty years of the collective pursuit of self interest, we of the older generation are leaving for our children a future of intellectual and financial impoverishment. The coming generation will be worse off than the one that came before - just as the current generation is worse off than "the Greatest Generation" that Tom Brokaw worships so much. Why is that? Because the powerful interests of the last three generations, having survived the New Deal through the Great Society, have done something about the threat to their way of life posed by... yes, thoughts and ideas. Realizing that these are supremely dangerous to their interests, after long struggle through the 60's and by dint of TV, drugs, reduced funding of public schools and the eradication of business ethics courses in business schools, they have eradicated thought and ideas from the modern landscape.

And now they can heave a sigh. Their property rights are safe at last.

Sleep tight America, but don't dream. And if you do, don't think about it when you wake up.

A Good Word about Conservatives???

What good can I, a stark raving liberal, say about conservatives?

Saying something good about conservatives? That's crazy talk, boy, CRAZY TALK.

But still, I've actually had a positive thought about that bunch of nuts. As much as I oppose their war - the defining action of the Bush administration - the motive for the war is, in some strange sense, commendable.

Not that our professed attempt to impose democracy on Iraq by means of military might isn't insane - it is. A great number of Bush administration officials should go to jail over that one. But the cynical and probably true reason for the war is that people like Rumsfeld and the hawkish neo-cons have actually taken a farsighted look at the problems we Americans will face in this new century. Oil is running out. There will be increasing competition and instability in the world as supply falls far beneath demand. Rummy's crowd has at least had the sense to recognize this problem in private. They are acting to position the US to prevail when the competition becomes most intense.

"Operation Iraqi Liberation" (O.I.L) is their early response to the coming crisis. And unless good somehow prevails, wars in Iran and Venezuela may be next. But while you can say the current and coming wars are stupid and even criminal, they have the virtue of at least being attempts to gain a playable position in the chess game with China, India and yes, Europe, that is sure to come.

*********

Random Thoughts:

"H.W.J.V." - How Would Jesus Vote
Liberal, Republican?
(by hanging chad. Of course the vote would be disqualified after the inability of election officials to validate an address of Heaven as being within the district...)

Barry Bonds: Superhero, SuperCheat?

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=dw-bondsbook030706&prov=yhoo&type=lgns

Dan, Dan, Dan.

Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan.

Dammit, Dan.

Sigh. . .

Dan, you are out of your mind about Barry Bonds and "no room for situational ethics." As deserving as he is of an asterisk, Barry Bonds is no more guilty of an exceptional level of cheating than is Mark McGuire, Sammy Sosa, or the vast number of .200 hitters who did what it takes to make themselves the best they could be.

This offense is ALL ABOUT situational ethics.

If baseball hadn't looked the other way LIKE ALL OTHER SPORTS and tacitly encouraged this form of performance enhancing drug abuse, Bonds would have performed au natural. Instead, he behaved appropriately for the times. Now times have changed and people like you are excoriating him.

Would he have eclipsed Mays, Ruth and Aaron without drugs? Who knows. We'll never know how many Ruth would have hit as a tea-tottler, or Aaron as a white. Times are everything.

If he gets the record, give him his asterisk and give us a break!

He Dodged the Draft and Now the Press

Big surprise. Dick Cheney dodged the draft, so why should anyone be surprised that now he's dodging the press. Whenever the going gets tough Cheney hides in a dark & secret corner where nobody can see or challenge him.

When the going gets tough, Cheney gets... a deferment. But not to worry, later he gets even.

Now he's finally come clean. He's talked to the press. The Press?... You can't mean Fox News is the press? The same media wankers who do the Monica Lewinsky for the entire administration every day.

When he gets up the balls maybe he'll go on a friendly Sunday talk show and lie to us again.

Cheney is a coward. Always has been, always will be. I can't wait until the war crimes trials... for the war he started, not the one he dodged.

Sartre - You Cad

BBC just concluded an interesting online reading of "Tete a Tete", which recounts the life and loves of Sartre, De Bouvoire, and the "family" that formed around them.

"Family" has an interesting meaning when used in relation to Sartre. It's meaning describes "family" in a way similar to the Manson family, except without the drugs or murder (but with all the sex).

The Sartre describe in "Tete a Tete" is intellectually gifted (which we already know from reading "Being and Nothingness.-"). His superior intellect and his free thinking attitudes attract a harem of intellectual free thinking groupies. De Bouvoir was the first. She became something like the head ayah of this harem.

This book approaches Sartre and De Bouvoire from the perspective of their relationship with each other and their ancillary loves. After the book you have come to know Sartre the man: the deceptive, manipulative, exploitive, and immature, "in bad faith" man. De Bouvoire, for all her alledge free thinking, is ultimately the victim. She is an extremely smart, literate, bisexual, boy toy. Sartre treats her like an object, and trailer park mama that she is, she's ok with that. Ofcourse, Sartre needed and emotional and intellectual crutch - a second fiddle - so why not someone who can tell all about it in a really literate manner in the "seminal work" called "The Second Sex."

How is it possible that two people of such great intellect could have lived so stupidly?

One thing I was rather disappointed with: There was very little discussion of Sartre's ideas. No mention of his writing of Being and Nothingness, nor mention of any role De Bouvoire may have had in formulating the ideas. I imagine she had at least as big a part in Sartre's thories as Mrs. Einstein (a physicist herself) had with the discoveries attributed solely to Albert. One can hope that Sartre felt her influence in his famous proof of the existence of others - proof obtained by the immediate experience, when caught doing wrong, of shame.

Partial Birth Abortion: Stop the vaccuum I want to get out!!!!!

There was an interesting story in the news tonight. On this the first day of Alito a couple of appeals courts have ruled that partial birth abortions, despite the Bush administration law passed to the contrary, remain legal.

The basis for this ruling - surprise - is the same old saw: the laws in question don't contain an exception to preserve the life of the mother.

Seems reasonable at first glance. But a second look reveals this to be the most reflexive ruling by the court imaginable. Would someone please tell me why there is a necessity that this particular procedure be permitted to preserve the life of the mother? Listen, this is an extremely late term procedure. The fetus at this point is fully viable. All it needs to live a full and happy life is to be delivered into this world and slapped on the ass. Welcome to earth, Bucko.

Maybe I just don't know enough, but it's hard to believe that if a baby can be killed and extracted to preserve the life of the mother, it can't be spared and extracted. In this last scenario you preserve not just the life of the mother but the baby as well.

Ofcourse I know that I'm fooling with words. What is this business of calling 8.99 month old fetal material a baby? Have I no tact, no sensitivity? A poor woman has enough to worry about trying to cope with her choice without being saddled with the suggestion that the thing she's about to chop up insider her uterus is a baby.

I'm a liberal. And yes, I'm all for fillibustering against Alito and Roberts (for reasons of excessive deference to corrupt Presidents). But in this one case I'm glad W has installed his boys on the court. Both claimed during confirmation hearings that they would approach challenges to abortion with an open mind, and I'm ok with that. I'm ok because there is now hope that a perponderance of judges on the Supreme Court will now be open to the possibility of overturning at least the worst excesses of the "culture of death."

Going Artsy This Evening...

Just to indulge the aesthete inside, here's an uncustomary bit of "poetry." It was inspired by a frustrated desire to play tennis without a net. I think I'd better stay way behind the baseline... gonna get ripped for this!

This poem never was
Stillborn. Dropped from the clouds
It landed on it's feet
Ready to feed.

But what does a poem eat
Sprouts, leaves?
Vodka is what it drinks
Till it grows strong in it's youth.

At length it gets a car
Lies about it's first accident
Experiments with meter and rhyme
But quits just in time.

And then there are girls
Oh girls! They are insoluble
So then poems turn to religion and gin
But that makes them really intolerable..

Marriage is the death of poems
But yes poems have needs and so they wed
They raise the kids and count the days
Then one day they are dead.

But if a poem is really good
It goes up into the sky.
And if a poem is really bad
You'll delete it by and by.

Bye. Bye. :)

Dostoevsky, Sin and Gin...

"I am a sick man. I am an angry man. I think there is something wrong with my spleen."

I envy Dostoevsky. It must have been incredible to be the first person to experience the above. How many people have read that sentence? I don't care, people can have their Dickens with "It was the best of times it was the worst of times." They can have their Tolstoy with his famous lead-off lines (look it up in Anna Karenina). They can keep their Homer with his starting in the "media ras." For my money Dostoevski's opening is the greatest in all literature.

Well, with the possible exception of "Listen, Billy Pilgrim has come unstuck in time..."

Dostoevsky is a guy who doesn't et enought credit in this post literate world. Literature and philosophy are dead, and we are impoverished in it's absence. People try and resurrect it on PBS, the Charlie Rose show, etc. But it's no good. The Word has been consigned to a small space in a crowded boxcar where all the enemies of the current Kulture have been packed for "resettlement." Pretty soon the boxcar will come to a stop and the words will be separated into Newsprint and Other. 'Other' ofcourse will be sent to the ovens. The words will come out of the chimneys like so many memories of Elie Weisel.

We are in a post literate world, as I said. Things go fast. I won't say too fast, even though I'm thinking it. Things go at a normal speed for my kids. But who can keep up with it, and who wants to? There is a lack of reflection that has taken over the world and crowded everything that reflects - yes, onto the boxcars.

What gets me the most is that this world, this fast and unreflective world, has been created by Tom Brokaw's "greatest generation", then the Baby Boomers, the X'ers, and all sorts of people who should know better. Yet now we live in a world of George Bush, Fox News, boxcars...

The same mistakes keep happening over and over. The Holocaust, VietNam, the Killing Fields, Iraq. When will it end.

It would be nice to curl up under several blankets with THE BOOK, the stove puffing away in the center of the room, the frost on the windows making it hard to read by the outside light, but since there is no electricity, it'll have to do. If only there was money for food, or a Sonya...

"I am a sick man, I am an angry man. I think there is something wrong with my spleen."

Even the worst thoughts wax nostalgic in the absence of thoughts today.

Sianara Sucka's - New Job Opening in the Supreme Court

Well, the President has abandoned his latest nominee for the Supreme Court to her fate. Funny, why aren't we surprised? John Kerry went back for his crewman in the river in 'Nam, but when Bush's "buddy" gets in trouble, our President cuts and runs.

Oh, but at least the CIC is standing fast and tall in Iraq. Let us honor the sacrifice of our dead soldiers by giving them more of their freinds in Heaven.

So who is Bushee Boy going to nominate for the Court now? Well, this might seem a little crazy (not as crazy as the last nomination), but how about this: Anita Hill.

Why Anita Hill? I can tell you why in two words - Clarence Thomas.

For those of you who don't remember, Anita Hill is that piece of sucullant black poonage that ol' Clarance was dying to tap while he was blowing dope in the 70's. Anita was almost the Monica Lewinsky of the Thomas nomination - except for a few differences: 1) Anita didn't do anything, and 2) despite the best efforts of the future Supreme Court Justice, neither did Thomas. Oh and she was quite smart, so that's another difference I guess.

Well, it's time to toss ol 'Clar a bone. Since he can't be Chief Justice, a fact I bitterly rue, how about giving him a little action? Anita can't say no forever.

Or can she?....

Coulda, Shoulda... Didn't (How did this not happen?)

With the ascension of Clarence "hey baby" Thomas to his new role as Chief Justice, and with Yosemite Sam assuming Sandra Day O'Connor's seat, the Supreme Court has set off into new, if previously charted, directions.

At long last someone has finally driven a truck through the caverous holes in the reasoning of the Roe vs Wade decision. They drove through... well, almost. In actuality Thomas and his bretheren parked in one of the holes, set the brake, and walked WAY FAR OFF. Only then, from a safe distance and behind a protective structure, did one of the judges turn around and press the button for the "remote car lock." Um, did I mention it was a Ryder Truck?

Boom. There goes 30 years of case law, up in smoke by a 5-4 vote.

Good ridence Roe v Wade. But this court is just getting warmed up.

After a whole afternoon's heavy reading, the members of the new majority of the Thomas Court emerged to say that, dang, they couldn't find no mention of privacy in the Constitution nowhere. They read the whole constitution once, they read it twice. But on this issue the constitution could give no advice. Result? ----

The Next Big Appointment - Chairman of the Fed

So now that W has nominated his personal lawyer as the next Associate Justice of the Supreme Court, speculation turns to his next big appointment: Who will lead the Federal Reserve after Alan Greenspan's departure on Jan 1?

At his press conference this afternoon, the President described the kind of nominee he was seeking.

"The nominees will be people that, one, is a person I know and who, secondly, will not be hobbled by experience." Bush continued, "It's important that whomever I pick is not overqualified for the job because this is a big and important job to do and we need the right kind of person who won't quit when a better job offer comes along. We need someone who is dependable, who shows up at work on time, who looks at the big picture and who won't get lost in the forest because of the trees, or maybe lose the trees in the forest, or something like that."

Speculation is that the President will again depart from the list of highly qualified candidates and chose from his inner circle - this time selecting his longtime tax accountant, Miriam P. Fishbaum.

Fishbaum, 62, has prepared taxes for several members of the Bush family since 1983. He also has experience as the night auditor at the university Motel Six in Austin, Tx.

Is he qualified? In any other administration his lack of credentials would rule him out. However, he has the trust of the president, which counts more than a piece of paper with funny writing on it.

Said the President, "I would trust him with my W2, my wife's and my daughter's. He is a man who can count and a man you can count on. So he is obviously the right man at the right time for the right job."

Mr. Fishbaum was unavailable for comment prior to this report. His mother, with whom he lives, said he couldn't come to the phone because he was sleeping. "He worked a extra shift this week because the other night auditor went and quit."

Hurricane Rita

Just a quick worry with the rest of the blog universe.

Rita strengthened to Category 5 today. Cat F-ing 5!!!!

I heard a couple minutes of an interview with the VP of Cuba earlier today. He mentioned that the temperature in the Gulf is up 9 degrees over prior years. That is what's fueling the rapid intensification of hurricanes in the Gulf this year.

And now that we've had Katrina and Rita blow up like Ah-nold on Steh-roids, is it too late to ask the Bush administration to reconsider their stance that "there is no global warning?"

If it wasn't for the impact of Katrina and Rita on gas prices, I'd say these storms serve Exxon, Texas and all the other Oil Profiteers right. On the other hand, these companies and their subsidiary states are not likely to suffer too much. Every cost they experience gets passed to us luckless consumers. Oh, and only the poorest die from these storms...

Yahoo just had the headline: Rita to push gas prices over $3.00 (again). Don't drop the soap in jail, or at the gas pump!

Just the same, say your prayers for Texas, Mexico, or wherever Rita finally hits. This looks bad.
Maybe with these storms it's time to permanently evacuate the Gulf Coast until the water temperature is restored to normal levels, and vote GREEN next election...!

CRIME HISTORY

Hey, here's amending what I wrote about getting the mower fixed yesterday.

I left the mower in the garage last night. Bad move. Next morning brought a brilliant sunshine, chirping birds and.... no lawn mower. Gone. Stolen.

Dammit!

Fox Football Sunday?????!!!

It is Sunday: God's seventh created day and His day of rest, the kid's last day of play before the bondage of school, and my last day to fix the lawnmower before returning to the habitrail of employment. Sunday, that day when we do as the Lord says by keeping it holy. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Yes it's Sunday, and for you TV watchers out there you know what that means... COMMERCIALS!

I Hate Sundays because Sunday is about football, and football is about waiting. Waiting for the when-the-hell-are they-ever-going-to-end commercials that deny me my constitutional right to actually watch a play.

When you are a kid playing in the empty lot by the house, you huddle, you run the play, you get tackled, you do the next huddle, run the next play, and repeat until touchdown or interception, at which time you start over and continue until your Mom calls you inside because it's dark and dinnertime. There is constant movement and, despite the huddles, fairly rapid play.

NOT SO IN THE NFL!

First you have the pregame shows and commercials.
Then the banter with the control center in NY, and commercials.
Then the flip of the coin and commercials.
Then the prekickoff and commercials,
The kickoff
commercials
several plays,
a quick commercial,
an injury & an official timeout
sandwiched in between commercials,
and then more
God
D****
Commercials!

****For the record, that's "Danged" above.

Sixty minutes run slow inside the black hole of television. Outside the TV hours, days, weeks, years go by. Civilizations rise and fall, your beard grows grey, the aliens land and stay for supper (to serve man).

So will someone please tell me, when is the revolution? I want to know where I can go to get my scythe or pitchfork. Lets all go kill and burn. Next stop, Castle NFL. Exterminate the coaches, lawyers, executives, and the rest of the parasitic classes.

Then nirvana will come. Sunday will be restored to sanctity - Quick plays called by the quarterback, commercials at the quarter or halftime only, and water on the sidelines (not fans blowing cooooool refreshing mist off of iceblocks made of Aquafina).

Right...
...After this brief commercial break.

************

Next Sunday's topic? Wired helmets, and an argument for Electronic Warfare on Gameday!

9-11? Party Time at the White House

I'll update this with the official post tonight, but I cannot let another minute go by without wishing the presidency of George W. Bush a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Happy 9-11, President Bush. Happy Birthday to your presidency.

Let's not confuse this with "W's" personal birthday. When is the latter? Sorry to say, I don't know and I don't care. I'm sure Big Barb will have her negro servants bake him a big cake to celebrate the day he fell out of the lap of luxury. I'm sure there will be lots of pretty candles, and Big Barb could even invite some of the refugees from the Astrodome to come share in the festivities (what a photo op, call Rove!). That's such a wonderful thought: those negro refugees can't help but enjoy themselves. It's so different from what they are used to, living in New Orleans slums and public housing, and selling drugs, and looting and all. I'm sure she'll take the usual precautions when those of her kind associate with those of that other kind... put away the family silver and get out the Dixie Cups and plastic ware outside.

As to the special birthday of the Bush Presidency, 9-11 is the big day for that.

Up until 9-11, W was just some lame-o stumblebum elected by the Supreme Court after a lawyers' coup in Florida; a lame-o on extended vacation chopping wood and clearing Brush while his friends helped themselves at the public trough at your expense and mine. And, ok, that's still the case.

But on 9-11, with the "airlining" of the Twin Towers and Pentagon, and the loss of a fourth flight in the fields of Pennsylvania, George got his big break. No longer was he just Lame-o the President. No, now was his chance to play Commander-in-Chief.

When W climbed up on the rubble with his megaphone, in the company of hero's, he spoke the soundbite that made his presidency. What a wonderful and lucky day that was for him and his friends. Osama lit the candles, and W., Rummy, and the rest have been blowing them out ever since.

There's nothing like a war presidency to force the media and even your opponents to get into line. Or to enrich your friends.

So Happy birthday Mr. President. I hope you like your presents: Afghanistan and Iraq are yours. So are the thousands of dead and wounded American soldiers whose job it is to go where you command (note I didn't say "lead"... We can always count you to be as far from actual hostilities as possible). Enjoy your presents, Mr. President: even more thousands of dead Iraqi civilians - collateral damage from our own military, and victims of the civil war you've unleashed. Enjoy your presents, Mr. President: profits upon profits for your pals in "the private sector", profits courtesy of a vast and possibly unpayable federal debt.

Happy Birthday Mr. President. I know you've said you don't think about Osama anymore. But maybe sometime during your next vacation you could worry a little that he doesn't send another present your way.

Well, gotta go now. Draft two later.

Soccer that Sartre Would Love

It is very hard to write tonight. For two days, or more specifically, since the Guatamala game, I just haven't had the juice. Ugh. At least I am not deep in the throes of suicidal grief... the US didn't lose. But this existential nausea I cannot bear; this angst, this malaise, this meaninglessness, this utter pointless futility...

a zero-zero tie in Guatamala City.

Well, ok. So we (and by we I mean the USA) got a point out of it, the one point you get for a draw. But zero-zero? All you can do is shake your head and mourn over what shoulda been. WTF, Eddie Johnson, it seems like it would be harder to miss than score when you are 5 yards from the goal with a perfect cross to your head. And after Mexico schlacked Panama 5 - 0 and got their three points, they are back in first, albeit tied with the MLS's allstars (who did the honors last Wed night).

Oh well, as Bobby Kennedy should have said, "It's on to Costa Rica, and lets win there."

More U S A, U S A

What a great night tonight. Sharapova v ugly on USA. Then Agassi v Blake.

Then, as soon as baseball is done, Soccer: USA v Guatamala on ESPN2.

Such a night. TV that's BTS!

U S A ... U S A... U S A

For one day I'm going to take a break from Bush bashing, despite the continued incompetence he displays each day.

I just took a 90 minute break from the Katrina disaster coverage to watch the World Cup Qualifier all truely patriotic American's have awaited since... since... I can't bring myself to sayit...

Ok, since the USA vs Mexico World Cup qualifier in Mexico city (which the US lost).

And the big event patriots have been awaiting? The rematch: USA vs Mexico in Columbus Ohio.

Oh happy day. Bells should be ringing in churches across the land. Traffic jams should be circling every major sports stadium across America (except, alas, N.O.). Throngs should be rushing into the streets waving the Red White and Blue, and screaming with joy.


USA 2, MEXICO 0

My Big, Fat, Republican Lie!

Being Republican means never having to say you are sorry.

Strange attitude for a party that daily claims to bathe in the blood of the lamb. Strange but true.

The Republicans got it wrong about Iraq's WMD's. This we now know. Actually we knew it then.

Iraqi WMD's? There were none. None, even while Neocon after Neocon in the Bush administration assured us with absolute certainty that WMD's there were. Remember what Rummy and his "pal" Powell said? 'We have pictures.' 'We've got an evidentiary trail.' The case for WMD's, as the cooked intelligence proves, is a "slam dunk."

Not.

So now that the truth's been out for a year, are there any signs of an "oops" or "sorry" uttered by those who brought us two years of unjustified and illegal war, and (dare I say it) the current Iraqi QUAGMIRE?

Again, not.

The list of people due to utter a mea culpa is long. But the silence from this list is deafening. Condi Rice, Donald Rummsfeld, Colin Powell, Dick Cheney, and finally our beloved President George W. Bush... None have uttered the slightest syllable of contrition.

They won't. No doubt this is on advice of their lawyers. In a better world, the kind they'll play hell to prevent, anything they say can and will be used against them in a world court of law.

They won't. Unlike Sen. Durbin, They know that honesty is not the best policy, at least in politics. The weakest link in any defense of this war is a candid word of truth. Any Republican who is unaware of this great truth, please call Karl Rove for help "getting back on message."

For a party of white fundamentalist Christians (and the occasional neo-con Jew) Republicans seem strangely averse to confession. Too bad. If only more Republicans were Catholics. Then they could retire to the dark booth and screen to bare their souls to a priest. To confess and, more importantly, receive guidance. Mr. President, are you listening?

"Fergive me father, fer I have sinned. I lied, an I led the nation into an unnecessary and evil war which has caused the world to hate America. What should I do?"

"Beg God's pardon, my son. Say three Hail Mary's, and then get us the hell out of Iraq."

The Stanley Cup is OURS (cackle cackle cackle)

Well, now that we are into the second month of BASEBALL it's safe to say, in the manner that we say things down here in the south...

"There ain't going to be no NHL this season."

A sterile 2004 has morphed into barren 2005. And while the Tampa Bay Satan Rays shovel coal in the cellar of the AL East, at least we 'Tampons' have as consolation that the Stanley Cup is Ours for another year.

Considering the payroll of the Lightning, we can thank the lack of a season for this continuation as champions. But be that as it may, this second year of our "reign" is obviously no consolation at all. There was no blood, sweat or tears on the ice this year. No body checks, no fights, no high sticking, all the things we love every hockey season. Oh, and no skating either.

Since the baseball season is yet young, it's not to late to ask, "what do we need to do to insure that there is a hockey season next year?"

Well, we could all move to Europe. But ofcourse that would be giving up. If we turn to Eurohockey, the terrorists win. And we don't want that do we?

I propose a few simple steps which, if followed, will insure that there is hockey in the NHL next year.

First off, Gary Bettman must die. Doesn't matter how when or where, just so long as it happens soon, as an example to the next NHL Big Cheese. What the Director of the CIA said about Osama goes for Gary too, at least in the opinion of some of us NHL fans: "I want his head on a platter, packed in dry ice". But Gary Bettman's head on a pike will do as well...

As to the NHL, if we don't want to abandon it then let's reorganize it. Isn't it about time for players to own their own league? This would be a first on the planet, at least in the free world.

John DeFord commented on NPR aboot the sad status of NHL finances, "Unlike other major sports franchises which have lower payroll to total expense ratios, the NHL spends over 75% of their revenue on player salaries."

Well, what's so bad about that? How is it that a bunch of owners who never tied on a pair of skates in their lives rate a dime? Oh I know, they are the investors, they take the risks. If the franchise fails they lose their arses. Yeah, well when a franchise fails the players lose their jobs.

Green Bay has somehow managed to make their socialistic experiment of a football team work for the good of the fans, the shareholders and the NFL. If a team in the most fascist sport on the planet can shun the dark force and embrace the light, is there any reason to think that the sport sacred to the nobel Canadian can't do as well? Look, Canada has a relatively progressive government, just tax system, socialized medicine and satellite TV for the masses. Canada can be a light unto the world if they will only rescue their league from the owners. And if they can do that, that'll strike fear in the hearts of MLB ownership, who are even more deserving of revolution and swift revolutionary justice than the dim bulbs currently running the NHL.

For too long sports have been betrayed by those who say sports are a business. The owners are ultimately responsible by setting player against player in the salary cap environment, and impoverishing each other in their struggle for franchise players. The players share some responsibility through their expectation that salaries can exceed team and league income. The fans who pay their $40 a game, we are blameless. But frankly, we could stand to keep a little more of our money for gruel and gas. Yet all these wrongs can be set right.

It's time for Fidel to come down from the mountains and open fire on the business model. C'mon Marx and Engels, time for more blood from your red pen. "A spector is haunting the sports world, the spector of Sports for sport.

"You Sood Be Asamed"

I'm daydreaming. It is, ofcourse, a bad daydream, as befits a bad, bad, bad man.

But really, this is maybe a bit much. Zzzzz.... Bill O'Reilly has just read my blog and is pissed. It could happen, it could happen... zzzzzzz....

O': Mr. McCheese, if that is your name, I've just read your blog. And frankly, I'm pissed.

M: Oh. Ok.

O': Mr. McCheese. I live in New York. Millions of people live in New York. And 9-11 affected those of us in NewYork in a way you don't seem to fathom. And not just in New York: In Washington, Pennsylvania, Florida, California, in every corner of America, sons, daughters, parents, brothers and sisters died at the hands of terrorists. Do you understand how many people died on 9-11? What do you think they think of you?

M: Well, not much.

O': You got that right. You know what they think? They think you are SCUM. Scum, scum, SCUM. What do you think of that?

M: It makes me feel bad.

O': The truth hurts, you (explitive deleted).

M: Um-hmm.

O': Here's what I want to know. You've said you wanted to be a terrorist. You've equated the U.S. soldier, who risks his life every day to protect you, with the worst of all terrorists. You've suggested that Ms. Condoleeza Rice is the Whore of Babylon. So tell me: How low is too low for you?

M: I don't know.

O': He doesn't know... For God's sakes thank God for commercials. We'll be right back.

O': For a person who claims to want to be a terrorist, who has sided with the terrorists since he's not with the President, yout answers so far seem pretty passive.

M: Uh-huh.

O': (pause)

M: (pause)

O': (pause)

M: (pause)

O': Say something!

M: Nietzche was passive.

O': What?

M: Nietzsche was passive.

O': I heard what you said. You mind explaining that?

M: The guy who inspired the Nazi's, but who boasted - but only in extreme and conscious hyperbole - that he'd shoot anti-semites - like the Nazi's- he was very polite.

O': And you're very polite. But you side with Osama.

M: Not really.

O': Oh, C'mon.

M: When he Nietzsche lost his mind did he shoot up his old school? Did he go postal? Did he fly airplanes into buildings? Did he cook intelligence to justify a war? No, he put himself between a whip and the horse the whip was being used on. He gave the horse a big hug and promised to protect it. But he didn't strike the old Kraut with the whip.

O': And your point is?

M: When Osama got mad, what did he do?

O': He attacked America!

M: And Bush?

O': You mean the President... He overthrew the terrorists in Afganistan. He attacked the terrorists in Iraq. He brought freedom to the oppressed citizens of Iraqs, who just had their first election, by the way.

M: No, Osama and Bush both went homicidal. You could forgive Bush for Afganistan, because we were all pissed at the time, and the Afgans were harboring Al Queda. But really, by the time of Iraq W was just bombing a bunch of little brown bastards so he could take down the family enemy - Sadam. The Neocons played Onwards Christian Soldiers in oval office on the Sabbat, and George marched us into the quagmire. Now we've got perpetual war with "the towelheads," as your people like you say in private.

O': "Uck... Uck..."

M: And Osama, what would he have to be pissed at us about if we'd gotten out of Saudi Arabia after the first Gulf War, and if we'd attempted to act with a little more evenhandedness in addressing Israeli/Palestinian relations, and in particular the West bank settlements? We invoked UN resolutions to justify our attack upon Iraq. But we ignore those resolutions that forbid Israeli expansion into the West Bank.

O': "Uck..."

M: You mean, 'they hate us because they hate freedom?'

O': "Aaggggggg...."

M: By the way, are you a vet? I am...

********
At this point a "good" daydream would end in a commercial break, the triumph of right over right-wing, and a major hospitalization for the host. But I've watched enough "Factor" to know that's not how it would really go. O'Reilly would never be put on the defensive. He's a pro.

O': I just want you to know, I've forwarded your name to Homeland Security. You think what I did to Sami Al-Aryan was bad, that was just fooling around. You don't deserve the protections of the Patriot Act. You should be sent for extraordinary interrogation in countries that allow torture.

M: (in the dark, and feintly heard through O'Reilly's microphone) you mean like America?

O': No, Saudi Arabia or Egypt, you piss-ant. I suppose you are the kind of liberal sissy pants that will ask a terrorist to 'pretty please tell us where the ticking bomb is' when it's set to go off at some grade school in an hour.

M: (off mike, off camera, barely audible) Not really.

O': (to producer), Ok, turn his mic back on for a second, I've got one last question.

O': Let me ask you, where did you go to school? Where did you learn to even think such crap?

M: Would you believe University of Colorado?

O': "University of Colorado"... Somehow, this all makes sense now.

O': Ok, I've heard about enough. Get your ass off my show, get off my show now. Jeezus christ.

M: Ouch! (being hustled off set, into the Black Maria of the State Security Organs).

Give Me that Old Time Psychosis

You know, the TV has been just sick with Condi Rice and Psycho-murders lately. The bullets have been flying at innocent bystanders by the bushel. Atlanta, Wisconson, Illinois have resounded with Bang bang shoot em up. And through all of this there has been the counterpoint: Condi Rice making nicey-nice with (ugh!) the French, the Germans, the Italians, all of Old Europe. But is there a deeper meaning in the juxtaposition wehre Condi Rice travels Europe and our TV conciousness at the same time bullets are whizzing inside the mall sanctuary of the First Church of the End Time Signs? Somebody is trying to tell us something here. Somebody religious.

Maybe it's just because I refuse to take my medication. Or maybe, it's not a coincidence. In the twisted and poorly educated mind that is the American brain, the connections are clear. As the Bible says, 'He who has an ear to hear, let him hear'. On 9/11 the smoke arose from American Babylon as the Twin Towers were brought low . Then George W. Bush did the previously unimaginable and introduced US troops into the wastes of Iraq. As any third grader in Jimmy Carter's Vacation Bible School knows, these are two of the pre-requisites for the breaking of the seals and emptying of the viles of judgement.

Ofcourse, there's more. The old Bible story has been turned on it's head (as befits a devil driven chapter in human history). The firstborn, George W., has stolen his younger brother Jeb's birthright and ascended to the secondborn's rightful throne to head Revalations' Kingdom of the West. Like Joseph's ner do well brothers, George W. has eschewed wisdom. Instead he has obeyed the advice of dark forces, or maybe just a serpent, and gathered his coalition of the willing right where the Bible says they should be so that the Eurphrates can become a river of blood. The appointed time of judgement draws nigh.

But no, stop. I'm not ready to say that W is the antichrist. That would be giving him too much credit. I will agree with the Evangelical Right that perhaps he's doing the bidding of God, though most likely in the manner of a Judas - doing evil that ever serves the good. But we aren't quite ready for the end yet. There is something else needed for prophesy to be fully set in motion, and it's not a man that will advance history towards Armageddon.

With W. already three months into his second term, our president is a lame duck and the press is starting to mumble excitedly about the next election. And here's where Bible prophecy takes it's next step. Our current Texan President, who believes that he has been set up in office by god (as if his dad and the Supreme Court had nothing to do with it), now once again betrays his brother, and his Klan Bake pals in the south as well. He has promoted an unmarried negro woman to the office of Secretary of State. This office, the press has observed recently, could be her fast track into both the national conciousness and, possibly, the presidency. Jeb may be howling in the wilderness, but those of us who grew up in the south have new hope that the rapture is at hand: Could Condi Rice be the Whore of Babylon?

Well lets see... At first you'd think this improbable since it's very questionable whether Condi has ever had sex. At the national prayer breakfast a few years ago, she was nothing if not prim. But you have to wonder, what would a young woman have to do to merit getting an oil tanker named after her when she's not even out of her 30's?

During her travels in Europe, the European press has been warming up to her in a way they never have for our current president. Just days ago they noted that she's pretty darn well dressed for an American, and in a certain way she has a sort of charm and appeal to the eye. Ok, admit it Eurostuds: "Condi is hot" (and gets hotter with each night the mistress is out of town and the wife says no). And with all that education, Condi's got to have read the the Story of O and the Kama Sutra, right? Take off those glasses and the French will make passes. Hell, I would.

And there it is. The scrolls unfurl and here's what we find: Jaques Chiraq is the Anti-christ, Condi (finally fulfilled, smiling, and heavy with the illigimate child she always wanted from George) dangles from Jaques arm. Franco-American relations have been consumated in the French manner, and the stage is set for some serious desolation.

Ofcourse, after I take my medicine, I'll recognize all this as just the paranoid ravings of a spiral-eyed American Bible thump. Yeah, I've got that old time religion, but I can get better. And one day I'll wake up, the sky will be blue, and I'll see with clear eyes again.

It's morning in America, and I've had a good night's sleep. Now I remember, Condi Rice is a Republican. So she can't be an agent of anything but light, truth, and tax-cuts for those who make all wealth possible.

We don't need to ask who the Whore of Babylon is. We've always know. Who's the junior senator of Babylon?...

You guessed it: Hillary Clinton. Just like Fox News said.

Goodbye HST

Goodbye, Hunter S. Thompson. Don't know why you had to leave so early; must have been incurable brain damage. When I heard the news I remembered a piece you wrote about Ernest Hemmingway, and his suicide in Idaho. You noted that Hemmingway had told friends that if he'd known he was going to live so long, he'd have taken better damn care of his body. Sounds kind of apropos to you. Oh well, on the other side you'll once more be able to talk, the drugs will no longer have had a terminal effect, and you'll never have trouble with a deadline again. God bless, and off you go now. Humphrey and Tricky Dick are waiting. Muskie's got an alligator bag ful of Ibogaine to share with you...

Argh!

Argh. With one dumb keystroke I just lost today's entry, and I haven't been able to retrieve it. Alas it would have been another Nietchean masterpiece of exageration and self important pontificating, but now it's lost to the ether. But rather than kill myself, I'll go guzzle some medication and cough my evening prayers.

G'nite & sleep tight.

Things you should not write on the WEB!!!!!!!!

At the risk of calling down the wrath of Homeland Security upon my person, or Israeli bulldozers upon the homes of my surviving family members, I've decided to become a terrorist.

Oops, that's not how you say it.

I've decided to become a trrrrrrr-rrrrr-ist (mispronounce it like you mean it, with a Texas accent).

It's hard when you become a terrorist, because there is just so much to do. First you have to download the Anarchist's Cookbook off of the web. Then you are have to come up with a good excuse for when the FBI kicks in your door and asks why you downloaded the Anarchist's Cookbook. I've got my explanation ready: "Me just want to help mien kids mit dere homework." If they can cut through the accent, that'll sick the FBI on my kid's teachers, who have it coming.

Then you have to put together a target list. These should be your enemies. Eisenhower had an enemies list and threw it in the waste basket. Nixon had an enemies list and threw it in his desk (along with his "memo to self: call plumbers"). Osama had an enemies list and threw airplanes at it. Then the President borrowed an enemies list from Rummy, and we know what he's doing with it. This is, historians will note, how terrorism evolved from the 20th to the 21st century in America. Ofcourse, you might ask, this leaves out the perpetrators of the OKC bombing. But you are so naive. After the triumph of the right in the coming race and culture war, these brave and gallant martyrs will go by their real name: "freedom fighters."

It's easy to list your enemies. The president, Osama, Wal-Mart, the NHL. But not every enemy can be a target. Can't shoot the President, for instance. Wouldn't be prudent. Also, you'd end up with Cheney officially in charge, without the current buffer of stupidity. Can't bomb Osama, cause you can't find him. Wal-Marts you can find, but they've got security cameras in the parking lot and you'll end up on America's Most Wanted. NHL? Too late....

After somehow figuring out some targets, then you have to come up with a plan. This should not be a problem for me: I am an American, and we are a can-do people. However, this is not something you should just knock off. You have to do it with style and originality. In addition to horrific casualties, you really must bowl over your target audience with something that is aesthetically audacious. And don't forget, you have to act early, so you can dominate the news cycle on FOX for the whole day.

Finally, either before or immediately after execution of your operation, you have to list your grievances in a public forum. This can be done by sending notice to a newspaper or other print outlets (but avoid letters to the editor, which are subject to editing). You can also deliver video to sympathetic media; that's what Osama and the White House does. Or you can just scrawl a manifesto on the wall in blood: Kilroy was here, Juden Nien, Helter Skelter, etc...

Ofcourse, if you really want to make it big, you need a sponsor. The bigger the sponsor, the bigger the bomb. If you get a really big sponsor, you'll get a really big bomb, which will help you when it comes to getting on FOX. State sponsors are the best. It really doesn't matter which state; they can be red or blue. But the main thing is, they have to have deep pockets because things that blow up are pretty expensive. It's also good if you pick a state sponsor who has some expertise in these matters. That way they can advise you in the best way to blow up people and things, which shortens your learning curve. Don't be afraid to ask for help: There are professionals out there with years of experience who are only too willing to share their knowledge with like minded youngsters who are just starting out.

Naturally, a sponsor is likely to want something in return. Sometimes you have to put their name on your shirt. Other times you have to wear their shoes. Sometimes they cut a deal where you wear all their apparel from head to toe. These of course are the best sponsors of all, because their uniforms lend you legitimacy and legal status. Army, Navy, Air Force, Mareeeeens, Mujahadeen, Red Army, Weremacht. Yes, these are the creme de la creme. And the choice of the most discriminating terrorist nowadays is Civilian Contractor, who wear faux names on their shirts like Smith or Doe, names which never manage to get put down on personnel manifests, and which the Abu Graib security cameras can never quite make out.

The drawback to sponsorship deals like this is that you lose some autonomy, and you have to blow up the targets that states, not you, choose. Still it can be a lot of fun, especially if you are bad enough. And after 20 years, if you don't get killed or locked up, you'll have a shirt full of medals, and maybe even retire with the pension of a senior officer - ready for a career in radio, Corporate America, or it's subsidiary the U.S. government.


****

Ugh, the time. Gotta shave, go to work. Must remember - spellcheck. Bye!

If the Shoe Fits...

"Fascism should more appropriately be called corporatism because it is the merger of state and corporate power." - Benito Mussolini

Oy, sounds kind of like China, huh? Or us.

Hey, I used to have a blog.

Sorry I haven't written. Since November I have been a sick man.

No I'm not talking about that tiresome affliction of malaise and depression or the impulse to some destructive nihilistic act inevitable with the triumph of W and the rest of the Evil-Doers in November's election... although it goes without saying, I've got that too. No, I'm sick, man, really sick.

Since November I've had a cold. A cold? Calling it a cold is like calling Genghis Khan's Hordes a mere army. This is das super-cold, an antibiotic eating cousin of the latest variant of the AIDS virus, both of which were probably developed in some black budget lab in Virginia for deployment in Africa and the blue states.

At night I, like Jimmy Carter, declare the moral equivalent of war on the symptoms. I've taken my 2 TBSP of Niquil two hours before bed-time with the hopes of sleeping sweetly and deeply. Such however is never my fate. I know I shall be up tonight, gagging until several small yellow balls of stuff that belong in a Kleenex are expectorated into the yawning porcelain god.

I'm sick. Really sick. So sick that even I went to the doctor's office. After an hour in the waiting room I was informed that my copayment had gone up, paid it, and was admitted to a level 2 waiting room. I couldn't find a key or a mushroom or a cheat code, so I had to wait longer. Finally the doctor came in, asked me what seems to be the problem, and coughed.

He prescribed the same thing he's taking, and it's working as well for me as for him.

*****

Interesting items in the news today: Jack Kerouac's original teletype scroll of "On the Road" is being displayed at a museum. Don't know which museum, alas.

Also, Princess Di's wedding dress, along with some other "important" gowns, will be displayed at the St. Petersburg (Florida) Museum of Art. Admission is $20, proceeds going to Princess Di's brother, who can't seem to get a contract selling weight loss products like the other royals. I'm not going, but my wife wants to. So I'll wait outside, or maybe drink across the street.

Now if the museum can get Monica's blue dress, I'll pay to see that! The stain that brought our democracy to it's knees. Ick.

****

Tune in tomorrow, anarchist & mousekateers, and be ready to take notes. Our special guest will be Ambassador Negroponti, newly nominated U.S. Intelligence Tsar, who will tell us all how to make money and wield power in the exciting and expanding business of Transnational Terrorism.

See you then!

vat zee hell eez zees

Well, to comment at the Nader blog, I had to sign on, to signon I had to have a blog username, which required that I have an actual blog. So if you are so unfortunate as to read this.... God bless you, it's not my fault they made me do it! Blogging with readers might be interesting, but I imagine this is probably just talking to myself, writing to myself, for myself... which, as I recall the well paid literati saying, 'is just wankery.'

In a couple of minutes I'll click back to the Nader site I was at and voice my wish that that arrogant SOB, who alas I seem to agree with on every issue, quits the 2004 race BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

YOU HEAR ME RALPH? QUIT... QUIT BEFORE YOU ELECT GEORGIE F*ING BUSH AGAIN, and my kids have to go fight the moronic war that YOU caused by getting that dumbass elected. A war which you are so conveniently too old to fight.

Anyhow, that's how this little blog has come to be, and is really what I had to say. Maybe I'll join the crowd of blogg-o-babblers for a while and type away into the ether. Hope anyone who stumbles across these words enjoys. If not, I'm sure there's more stimulating wankery to click to.

Whitehouse dot org anyone?

G'nite,
John