Hey, I used to have a blog.

Sorry I haven't written. Since November I have been a sick man.

No I'm not talking about that tiresome affliction of malaise and depression or the impulse to some destructive nihilistic act inevitable with the triumph of W and the rest of the Evil-Doers in November's election... although it goes without saying, I've got that too. No, I'm sick, man, really sick.

Since November I've had a cold. A cold? Calling it a cold is like calling Genghis Khan's Hordes a mere army. This is das super-cold, an antibiotic eating cousin of the latest variant of the AIDS virus, both of which were probably developed in some black budget lab in Virginia for deployment in Africa and the blue states.

At night I, like Jimmy Carter, declare the moral equivalent of war on the symptoms. I've taken my 2 TBSP of Niquil two hours before bed-time with the hopes of sleeping sweetly and deeply. Such however is never my fate. I know I shall be up tonight, gagging until several small yellow balls of stuff that belong in a Kleenex are expectorated into the yawning porcelain god.

I'm sick. Really sick. So sick that even I went to the doctor's office. After an hour in the waiting room I was informed that my copayment had gone up, paid it, and was admitted to a level 2 waiting room. I couldn't find a key or a mushroom or a cheat code, so I had to wait longer. Finally the doctor came in, asked me what seems to be the problem, and coughed.

He prescribed the same thing he's taking, and it's working as well for me as for him.

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Interesting items in the news today: Jack Kerouac's original teletype scroll of "On the Road" is being displayed at a museum. Don't know which museum, alas.

Also, Princess Di's wedding dress, along with some other "important" gowns, will be displayed at the St. Petersburg (Florida) Museum of Art. Admission is $20, proceeds going to Princess Di's brother, who can't seem to get a contract selling weight loss products like the other royals. I'm not going, but my wife wants to. So I'll wait outside, or maybe drink across the street.

Now if the museum can get Monica's blue dress, I'll pay to see that! The stain that brought our democracy to it's knees. Ick.

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Tune in tomorrow, anarchist & mousekateers, and be ready to take notes. Our special guest will be Ambassador Negroponti, newly nominated U.S. Intelligence Tsar, who will tell us all how to make money and wield power in the exciting and expanding business of Transnational Terrorism.

See you then!