"You Sood Be Asamed"

I'm daydreaming. It is, ofcourse, a bad daydream, as befits a bad, bad, bad man.

But really, this is maybe a bit much. Zzzzz.... Bill O'Reilly has just read my blog and is pissed. It could happen, it could happen... zzzzzzz....

O': Mr. McCheese, if that is your name, I've just read your blog. And frankly, I'm pissed.

M: Oh. Ok.

O': Mr. McCheese. I live in New York. Millions of people live in New York. And 9-11 affected those of us in NewYork in a way you don't seem to fathom. And not just in New York: In Washington, Pennsylvania, Florida, California, in every corner of America, sons, daughters, parents, brothers and sisters died at the hands of terrorists. Do you understand how many people died on 9-11? What do you think they think of you?

M: Well, not much.

O': You got that right. You know what they think? They think you are SCUM. Scum, scum, SCUM. What do you think of that?

M: It makes me feel bad.

O': The truth hurts, you (explitive deleted).

M: Um-hmm.

O': Here's what I want to know. You've said you wanted to be a terrorist. You've equated the U.S. soldier, who risks his life every day to protect you, with the worst of all terrorists. You've suggested that Ms. Condoleeza Rice is the Whore of Babylon. So tell me: How low is too low for you?

M: I don't know.

O': He doesn't know... For God's sakes thank God for commercials. We'll be right back.

O': For a person who claims to want to be a terrorist, who has sided with the terrorists since he's not with the President, yout answers so far seem pretty passive.

M: Uh-huh.

O': (pause)

M: (pause)

O': (pause)

M: (pause)

O': Say something!

M: Nietzche was passive.

O': What?

M: Nietzsche was passive.

O': I heard what you said. You mind explaining that?

M: The guy who inspired the Nazi's, but who boasted - but only in extreme and conscious hyperbole - that he'd shoot anti-semites - like the Nazi's- he was very polite.

O': And you're very polite. But you side with Osama.

M: Not really.

O': Oh, C'mon.

M: When he Nietzsche lost his mind did he shoot up his old school? Did he go postal? Did he fly airplanes into buildings? Did he cook intelligence to justify a war? No, he put himself between a whip and the horse the whip was being used on. He gave the horse a big hug and promised to protect it. But he didn't strike the old Kraut with the whip.

O': And your point is?

M: When Osama got mad, what did he do?

O': He attacked America!

M: And Bush?

O': You mean the President... He overthrew the terrorists in Afganistan. He attacked the terrorists in Iraq. He brought freedom to the oppressed citizens of Iraqs, who just had their first election, by the way.

M: No, Osama and Bush both went homicidal. You could forgive Bush for Afganistan, because we were all pissed at the time, and the Afgans were harboring Al Queda. But really, by the time of Iraq W was just bombing a bunch of little brown bastards so he could take down the family enemy - Sadam. The Neocons played Onwards Christian Soldiers in oval office on the Sabbat, and George marched us into the quagmire. Now we've got perpetual war with "the towelheads," as your people like you say in private.

O': "Uck... Uck..."

M: And Osama, what would he have to be pissed at us about if we'd gotten out of Saudi Arabia after the first Gulf War, and if we'd attempted to act with a little more evenhandedness in addressing Israeli/Palestinian relations, and in particular the West bank settlements? We invoked UN resolutions to justify our attack upon Iraq. But we ignore those resolutions that forbid Israeli expansion into the West Bank.

O': "Uck..."

M: You mean, 'they hate us because they hate freedom?'

O': "Aaggggggg...."

M: By the way, are you a vet? I am...

********
At this point a "good" daydream would end in a commercial break, the triumph of right over right-wing, and a major hospitalization for the host. But I've watched enough "Factor" to know that's not how it would really go. O'Reilly would never be put on the defensive. He's a pro.

O': I just want you to know, I've forwarded your name to Homeland Security. You think what I did to Sami Al-Aryan was bad, that was just fooling around. You don't deserve the protections of the Patriot Act. You should be sent for extraordinary interrogation in countries that allow torture.

M: (in the dark, and feintly heard through O'Reilly's microphone) you mean like America?

O': No, Saudi Arabia or Egypt, you piss-ant. I suppose you are the kind of liberal sissy pants that will ask a terrorist to 'pretty please tell us where the ticking bomb is' when it's set to go off at some grade school in an hour.

M: (off mike, off camera, barely audible) Not really.

O': (to producer), Ok, turn his mic back on for a second, I've got one last question.

O': Let me ask you, where did you go to school? Where did you learn to even think such crap?

M: Would you believe University of Colorado?

O': "University of Colorado"... Somehow, this all makes sense now.

O': Ok, I've heard about enough. Get your ass off my show, get off my show now. Jeezus christ.

M: Ouch! (being hustled off set, into the Black Maria of the State Security Organs).

Give Me that Old Time Psychosis

You know, the TV has been just sick with Condi Rice and Psycho-murders lately. The bullets have been flying at innocent bystanders by the bushel. Atlanta, Wisconson, Illinois have resounded with Bang bang shoot em up. And through all of this there has been the counterpoint: Condi Rice making nicey-nice with (ugh!) the French, the Germans, the Italians, all of Old Europe. But is there a deeper meaning in the juxtaposition wehre Condi Rice travels Europe and our TV conciousness at the same time bullets are whizzing inside the mall sanctuary of the First Church of the End Time Signs? Somebody is trying to tell us something here. Somebody religious.

Maybe it's just because I refuse to take my medication. Or maybe, it's not a coincidence. In the twisted and poorly educated mind that is the American brain, the connections are clear. As the Bible says, 'He who has an ear to hear, let him hear'. On 9/11 the smoke arose from American Babylon as the Twin Towers were brought low . Then George W. Bush did the previously unimaginable and introduced US troops into the wastes of Iraq. As any third grader in Jimmy Carter's Vacation Bible School knows, these are two of the pre-requisites for the breaking of the seals and emptying of the viles of judgement.

Ofcourse, there's more. The old Bible story has been turned on it's head (as befits a devil driven chapter in human history). The firstborn, George W., has stolen his younger brother Jeb's birthright and ascended to the secondborn's rightful throne to head Revalations' Kingdom of the West. Like Joseph's ner do well brothers, George W. has eschewed wisdom. Instead he has obeyed the advice of dark forces, or maybe just a serpent, and gathered his coalition of the willing right where the Bible says they should be so that the Eurphrates can become a river of blood. The appointed time of judgement draws nigh.

But no, stop. I'm not ready to say that W is the antichrist. That would be giving him too much credit. I will agree with the Evangelical Right that perhaps he's doing the bidding of God, though most likely in the manner of a Judas - doing evil that ever serves the good. But we aren't quite ready for the end yet. There is something else needed for prophesy to be fully set in motion, and it's not a man that will advance history towards Armageddon.

With W. already three months into his second term, our president is a lame duck and the press is starting to mumble excitedly about the next election. And here's where Bible prophecy takes it's next step. Our current Texan President, who believes that he has been set up in office by god (as if his dad and the Supreme Court had nothing to do with it), now once again betrays his brother, and his Klan Bake pals in the south as well. He has promoted an unmarried negro woman to the office of Secretary of State. This office, the press has observed recently, could be her fast track into both the national conciousness and, possibly, the presidency. Jeb may be howling in the wilderness, but those of us who grew up in the south have new hope that the rapture is at hand: Could Condi Rice be the Whore of Babylon?

Well lets see... At first you'd think this improbable since it's very questionable whether Condi has ever had sex. At the national prayer breakfast a few years ago, she was nothing if not prim. But you have to wonder, what would a young woman have to do to merit getting an oil tanker named after her when she's not even out of her 30's?

During her travels in Europe, the European press has been warming up to her in a way they never have for our current president. Just days ago they noted that she's pretty darn well dressed for an American, and in a certain way she has a sort of charm and appeal to the eye. Ok, admit it Eurostuds: "Condi is hot" (and gets hotter with each night the mistress is out of town and the wife says no). And with all that education, Condi's got to have read the the Story of O and the Kama Sutra, right? Take off those glasses and the French will make passes. Hell, I would.

And there it is. The scrolls unfurl and here's what we find: Jaques Chiraq is the Anti-christ, Condi (finally fulfilled, smiling, and heavy with the illigimate child she always wanted from George) dangles from Jaques arm. Franco-American relations have been consumated in the French manner, and the stage is set for some serious desolation.

Ofcourse, after I take my medicine, I'll recognize all this as just the paranoid ravings of a spiral-eyed American Bible thump. Yeah, I've got that old time religion, but I can get better. And one day I'll wake up, the sky will be blue, and I'll see with clear eyes again.

It's morning in America, and I've had a good night's sleep. Now I remember, Condi Rice is a Republican. So she can't be an agent of anything but light, truth, and tax-cuts for those who make all wealth possible.

We don't need to ask who the Whore of Babylon is. We've always know. Who's the junior senator of Babylon?...

You guessed it: Hillary Clinton. Just like Fox News said.