I was walking down the campaign trail yesterday when I saw something really weird.
Just off the trail, next to a greasy old diner that looked very misplaced since it wasn't in New Hampshire, I saw a couple of wiggling little legs poking out of a dumpster.
What's that?" I asked one of the onlookers.
"Who. It's Michelle Obama."
"Huh?" I was confused.
"She's dumpster diving."
Now this was a new one one me. "'Scuse me, mam, what are you doing?"
Mrs. Obama righted herself, a concession to dignity and the growing crowd. Good thing. She wasn't wearing a pants suit like that other candidate's spouse, Mr. Clinton. "I'm looking for my voice."
My head shook in puzzlement. "In a dumpster?"
Mrs. Obama replied, "That's where Hillary found hers"
That sounded quite reasonable, so I dove in to help. I had to help. It was the Christian thing to do.
"Hey, look!" someone shouted, "The fellow is acting like a Huckabee!"
I began to dig. McDonald's bags, q-tips, tampons, pizza boxes, Campbell's soup cans, shredded bills, shredded wheat, some shredded e-mails from the office of Dick Cheney. But no voice of Michelle Obama.
Still, there were some interesting things in there. Something was stirring in the corner. Just barely peeping out from under a Wonder Bread bag, a little something was whispering. I strained to hear.
"Sqweak, sqweak, sqweak..."
Awww, it was a Dennis Kucinich.
So cute, but I kept digging. I saw a can of pork and beans struggling to move. Maybe something was trying to get out. I lifted the can.
"Free at Last?" I joked, hoping It was Martin Luther King and I'd beat him to his punchline.
"I am not a crook."
Ha! A Nixon voice.
Well you don't always find treasure, even in a dumpster. But maybe this was a lucky break. He was, after all, unlike the future first lady-man, unimpeached.
"Please, President Nixon," I asked, hoping for an answer for today. "Tell us the secret plan to end the war."
The former president's jowls shook, just like in the good old days. "You can't handle the truth."
I didn't know Nixon did impressions. He was doing Jack Nicholson, though it also sounded a lot like McCain talking to conservatives.
We kept digging. Michelle was getting deep. Deep into grits, coffee grounds, stiff dried spaghetti, Styrofoam carry-out containers, an empty catchup bottle. Somebody must have cleaned out their refrigerator. I stepped over an oatmeal carton and onto a hypodermic. Ouch! Medical waste! What kind of refrigerator got cleaned here...
I saw a rolled up newspaper. I love to read, so I reached for it. Maybe I'd look at it just for a second.
Before my hand got to it, it jumped up and hit me on the nose. Rudolph Gulliani.
We were starting to get a little smelly. "This must be how the other half lives.", Mrs. Obama said.
She had found a voice, just not hers. I told her.. "Mamm, I think you're talking like John Edwards"
I have to admit, though, it sounded good on her. Maybe that's because I'm poor, white, and worried about my job. According to the polls, that's the Edwards "demographic." Ofcourse who I'll vote for now is beyond me.
A limo pulled up and guess who got out? Why you guessed it, Barach!
"Honey," he said, "You can stop looking." He handed her a present.
Mrs. Obama undid the bow and opened the package. Inside was a pretty little voice. It was Edith Bunker."
"AAAAAAAchie, I mean, BaraAAAAACH, dinner's ready!" She rushed into the diner.
Senator Obama smiled. Goodbye assertive, bossy, wife... Hello happiness!
As he climbed back into his limo his wife came scurrying out. "Wait Baraaaach, don't forget your beeeeer."
The senator took his plate, took his beer and took a sip. The crowd started clapping; he had proved he was a regular guy. And that's all it took. He had locked up the midwest vote, just in time for super-Tuesday. And we all know, as Kansas goes, so goes the nation.
Maybe Bill Clinton won't be first lady after all. But it's not over yet. Feminists, don't give up. You can still have the audacity of hope...
Friday, January 25, 2008
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Rock Star Loses - Surprise from the Comeback Kidette
Surprise, surprise, what a pleasant surprise.
You would think there would have been tears of joy. But Hillary's eyes stayed dry and her voice didn't crack as she accepted an unexpected gift from New Hampshire. Victory! For a second and more surprising time NH has made a Clinton "the comeback kid."
Of course there weren't any tears from Obama. He seemed calm even though he smiled more weakly than we've seen in of late. When he arrived with his wife to the tune of "You are so Beautiful" to give his concession speech he tried to be brave and poised. But there was more than a little 'deer in the headlights' in his manner.
The speeches of both Clinton and Obama were rather funny if you listened for it. Both speeches seemed to have been quickly cobbled from the concession and victory speeches each candidate had expected to make.
The most interesting speech of the night was - no surprise - Ron Paul. No concession speech from him. He's taking his 8% showing and carrying the libertarian/olde Republican isolationist standard. No bleating and platitudes about change and complementing the American people. He spent 30 minutes giving facts and actual arguments. He's no Jefferson, but he's head and shoulders above the rest of the Republican candidates when it comes to challenging Americans intellectually. He's not entirely correct about the Nanny state and the purpose of the constitution. But he's definitely got his head in the game.
***
Odds and ends - Candidate songs:
Hillary - American Girl - Tom Petty
Richardson - Won't back down - Petty again
Edwards - The Rising - Springsteen
Obama - (sorry, insufficient cultural literacy on my part...)
McCain - Johnny B Good - not something by Johnny Cougar Mellencamp!
Nice lines:
Obama: New American Majority... Drug and insurance companies get a seat at the table, but don't get to buy all the chairs... Let Ingenuity save our planet from a point of no return... Lets finish the job against Al Queda but never use 9-11 to scare up votes.
All candidates in this race share these goals. (but he forgot the 'All Non-Republican candidates' modifier.)
McCain: Past the age when I can claim the noun 'kid', regardless of what adjective precedes it. But tonight we sure showed everyone what a comeback is. Mac is Back.
Ron Paul: Pick a spot, any spot. Anywhere within his 35 minutes speaking you could find sparkling argument. Agree with him or not, he at least had something to say. Paul Gems ...What's so radical about these ideas? I think the radicals are in charge and we need to remove them from Washington.
...the Dollar used to be 1/20th the value of an oz of gold. Now it's 1/900th the value of an oz of gold. The price of gold isn't going up. It's value remains constant. It's the value of the dollar that has fallen. ((Does this same hold true regarding the recent increases in the price of oil?))
...We don't have a right to somebody else's productivity. ((Isn't that Marx's point???)). We don't have a right to a house, our home and a job. We have a right to our life and liberty.
...We never have to sacrifice our liberty to be secure. The freer we are the more secure we will be.
...Old people declare wars and young people fight them.
****
Bill Richardson, so normal, no quotes, not a rock star at all. But god bless him he's a nice guy.
You would think there would have been tears of joy. But Hillary's eyes stayed dry and her voice didn't crack as she accepted an unexpected gift from New Hampshire. Victory! For a second and more surprising time NH has made a Clinton "the comeback kid."
Of course there weren't any tears from Obama. He seemed calm even though he smiled more weakly than we've seen in of late. When he arrived with his wife to the tune of "You are so Beautiful" to give his concession speech he tried to be brave and poised. But there was more than a little 'deer in the headlights' in his manner.
The speeches of both Clinton and Obama were rather funny if you listened for it. Both speeches seemed to have been quickly cobbled from the concession and victory speeches each candidate had expected to make.
The most interesting speech of the night was - no surprise - Ron Paul. No concession speech from him. He's taking his 8% showing and carrying the libertarian/olde Republican isolationist standard. No bleating and platitudes about change and complementing the American people. He spent 30 minutes giving facts and actual arguments. He's no Jefferson, but he's head and shoulders above the rest of the Republican candidates when it comes to challenging Americans intellectually. He's not entirely correct about the Nanny state and the purpose of the constitution. But he's definitely got his head in the game.
***
Odds and ends - Candidate songs:
Hillary - American Girl - Tom Petty
Richardson - Won't back down - Petty again
Edwards - The Rising - Springsteen
Obama - (sorry, insufficient cultural literacy on my part...)
McCain - Johnny B Good - not something by Johnny Cougar Mellencamp!
Nice lines:
Obama: New American Majority... Drug and insurance companies get a seat at the table, but don't get to buy all the chairs... Let Ingenuity save our planet from a point of no return... Lets finish the job against Al Queda but never use 9-11 to scare up votes.
All candidates in this race share these goals. (but he forgot the 'All Non-Republican candidates' modifier.)
McCain: Past the age when I can claim the noun 'kid', regardless of what adjective precedes it. But tonight we sure showed everyone what a comeback is. Mac is Back.
Ron Paul: Pick a spot, any spot. Anywhere within his 35 minutes speaking you could find sparkling argument. Agree with him or not, he at least had something to say. Paul Gems ...What's so radical about these ideas? I think the radicals are in charge and we need to remove them from Washington.
...the Dollar used to be 1/20th the value of an oz of gold. Now it's 1/900th the value of an oz of gold. The price of gold isn't going up. It's value remains constant. It's the value of the dollar that has fallen. ((Does this same hold true regarding the recent increases in the price of oil?))
...We don't have a right to somebody else's productivity. ((Isn't that Marx's point???)). We don't have a right to a house, our home and a job. We have a right to our life and liberty.
...We never have to sacrifice our liberty to be secure. The freer we are the more secure we will be.
...Old people declare wars and young people fight them.
****
Bill Richardson, so normal, no quotes, not a rock star at all. But god bless him he's a nice guy.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Tampa Sports
Ugh! The world is just and orderly. As per the physical laws that govern the universe, as per the moral order that gives to each their proper portion and no more (so much for grace, you theologians)... the Tampa Bay Bucs got stomped. It sucks being a Bucs fan, but at least the creampuffs of Parity Scheduling are out of the playoffs. I must say I HATE it when sub-standard teams advance in the playoffs. So at least one is out. C'mon New England Pats, Baltimore (ooops - Indianapolis) Colts.
The Indianapolis Colts. Now there's a blog entry about the unfairness of it all. But that's for another day.
Now for the good news. Just saw last night that Tampa Bay is getting to host not one, two, but three US Nat qualifier games for the Olympics.
Soccer in Tampa again, at least for a few days?
HAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPINESSS!!!!!!
The Indianapolis Colts. Now there's a blog entry about the unfairness of it all. But that's for another day.
Now for the good news. Just saw last night that Tampa Bay is getting to host not one, two, but three US Nat qualifier games for the Olympics.
Soccer in Tampa again, at least for a few days?
HAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPINESSS!!!!!!
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Debates: Trvst in Charlie?
Trust in Charlie? Argh! The Great Saturday Night debate is over. We got to hear all about making change. As Kucinich would say, can anybody change a dollar?
Now it's off to the SPIN ROOM. What's Diane Sawyer doing wearing all black? How are we going to see her heaving squishy bosom through the soft lens without some color contrasts? Where's that tight fuzzy sweater from Good Morning America?
Important points made by the Republicans: 'I support President Bush. Except...'
Important points made by the Dems: 'CHANGE, CHANGE, CHANGE (Redskins lost).'
McCain sounded great for the Republicans. He seems like the only one of the bunch with independence and integrity, with the far-out exception of Ron Paul. Damn, Ron Paul is a nut, but he says some true things too.
John Edwards won this thing among the Democrats. Let's just see if he can pull something off in the NH primary. This guy could be the populist candidate us populists have always wanted.
Just the same, all the Dems that Facebook / ABC allowed to speak did passably well.
Now it's off to the SPIN ROOM. What's Diane Sawyer doing wearing all black? How are we going to see her heaving squishy bosom through the soft lens without some color contrasts? Where's that tight fuzzy sweater from Good Morning America?
Important points made by the Republicans: 'I support President Bush. Except...'
Important points made by the Dems: 'CHANGE, CHANGE, CHANGE (Redskins lost).'
McCain sounded great for the Republicans. He seems like the only one of the bunch with independence and integrity, with the far-out exception of Ron Paul. Damn, Ron Paul is a nut, but he says some true things too.
John Edwards won this thing among the Democrats. Let's just see if he can pull something off in the NH primary. This guy could be the populist candidate us populists have always wanted.
Just the same, all the Dems that Facebook / ABC allowed to speak did passably well.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Happy New Year
Happy New Year! 2007 is gone and good riddance to it. It was a year of war, a sinking economy, a falling dollar, another year of Bush, VT, and private failures too.
I'll be glad to focus on the macro. To paraphrase Woody Allen, "Man concerns himself with the problems of the world so he doesn't have to confront the problems of his own existence." ((wait a second... Woody Allen said THE OPPOSITE... riffing on the astute observations of some Euro-shrinks he was consulting, no doubt)).
Just the same, now that the year is done, it's good to give thanks for the good: Thanks for family and friends, for another year paying the mortgage, for paid off cars, for credit cards kept at bay, and the fact that the whole house of cards hasn't come crashing down just yet.
Other things for which we give thanks: GI's, Jesus, church, charity, books, birth-control. Some goods contradict other goods, but that's what makes life worth thinking about.
2008, I think we all can hope, just has to be better.
I'll be glad to focus on the macro. To paraphrase Woody Allen, "Man concerns himself with the problems of the world so he doesn't have to confront the problems of his own existence." ((wait a second... Woody Allen said THE OPPOSITE... riffing on the astute observations of some Euro-shrinks he was consulting, no doubt)).
Just the same, now that the year is done, it's good to give thanks for the good: Thanks for family and friends, for another year paying the mortgage, for paid off cars, for credit cards kept at bay, and the fact that the whole house of cards hasn't come crashing down just yet.
Other things for which we give thanks: GI's, Jesus, church, charity, books, birth-control. Some goods contradict other goods, but that's what makes life worth thinking about.
2008, I think we all can hope, just has to be better.
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