June 17 - Watergate Day

I just want to wish you all a Happy Watergate Day. I was just informed that this is a holiday that we as Americans are celebrating today.

Ah, the special memories that flood back today.  Like questions to Mommy and Daddy:  "What's a Watergate?"  Or finding out about a new universe of vocabulary, like "expletive deleted" and the even more horrendous, "expletive deleted."  Or listening to one of the two great Presidential lines in history: "Your President is not a crook", uttered by our former crook-in-chief, Richard M. Nixon.  It goes without saying that Slick Willie, our former hound-dog in chief, gets credit for the other impeachable line:  "I did not have (you know what) with that woman, (you know who)."

Of course I think this would be the perfect day to create another holiday as well... anybody up for "National FISA Court Appreciation Day?"  This would be a holiday that is especially dear to the Bush and Obama households, not to mention the many lawyers they employed to provide legal cover for the indefensible.  In the interest of efficiency we could combine Watergate Day and FISA Court Appreciation Day into one holiday, "Imperial Presidents Day."  This is a holiday that should stand the test of time due to all the spying and over-reach of the last decade under both Bush and Obama.  We had hope that the need for a holiday such as this would be obsolete after the election of 2008.  But if Obama and the professional left can't renounce the trappings and extraordinary, extra-legal powers that they have retained and bolstered during their presidency, who can?  Alas I don't think we will be electing Bernie Sanders or Rand Paul for president any time soon.

How could we celebrate this day?  We could all put up FISA trees, decorate them with colorful dragonfly and birdie drones (both lethal and surveillance varieties) and turn the volume down on FOX News and MS-NBC so that the NSA can hear our conversations more easily.  We could send our friends and relatives (but only those we don't like) personal emails full of words from the NSA "key words" list.  We should just be sure to include a special holiday greeting to that hard working NSA analyst who will review each and every one of our future emails, as well as those of the people we write, forever.  FYI, the analysts get bored with all the reading, so the tradition should include some spicy pics.  If you don't have any don't worry, the NSA can pull them from your old twitter accounts.  You thought you could leave that old "Carlos Danger" account behind, didn't you?

I can't wait to find my "always on" Xbox under the FISA tree.  I feel safer knowing that every Google search for "pressure cooker", "backpack", or even "fertilizer" and "Ryder Trucks" will be reviewed by the watchful eyes of the still quite Orwellian sounding government organ, Homeland Security.  Thank you, thank you, thank you, Santa Bush, Cheney and Obama.

If only Nixon had a FISA court, Watergate Day would be all about celebrating a big component in dams that makes hydroelectric power possible instead of commemorating a big fail in covert plumbing.

Happy Holiday, New and Proposed!